Thank you folks from NOIIE (Networks of Inquiry and Indigenous Education) for the invitation to “present” at the NOIIE Annual Conference on May 12, 2023.
It was an asynchronous presentation and I was the first speaker of four for the inaugural NETWORK READS initiative at NOIIE. I had the pleasure and honour of introducing Leona Prince’s and Carla Prince’s book, “Be a Good Ancestor.”
You can watch my (approximately) 4-minute video of my book review and inquiry. What a wonderful initiative at NOIIE but also a learning opportunity for me to create a video, share my BIG HEAD after 50-takes, and reflect on this book
If you are interested in watching this video, I have included the YouTube link below for your entertainment or reference. This is also my EDUC 405 and 796 WordPress site as one of the course instructors. It’s an opportunity to model.
— Dr. Christine Ho Younghusband (@Dr_Christine_Ho) May 12, 2023
HINT: Include tweets or YouTube links as part of your e-Portfolio. Your accomplishments, acknowledgements, or celebrations can be articulated as a blog post or webpage. Either way, reflect on your learning and profession practice.
Thank you for the invitation. The learning extended beyond the book review. With much gratitude. Thanks for thinking of me to be part of this learning experience.
As UNBC looks for meaningful ways to acknowledge Asian Heritage Month, we're grateful to School of Education Assistant Professor @Dr_Christine_Ho for being willing to share portions of her story with us. Read her reflections on embracing her identity here: https://t.co/NnkNCDksONpic.twitter.com/gKtZofyOcj
— University of Northern British Columbia (UNBC) (@UNBC) May 19, 2023
Here’s a gorgeous picture of the Colosseum in Rome. You can get a sense of the enormity of this physical structure. My friends and I went here as part of our trip to Italy in 2023. I took many pictures of places like this in Italy, as you can imagine. If anything, I found the trip to Italy to be a learning experience that goes beyond seeing different places, meeting new people, and immersing into the culture.
This was the first trip I took to Europe and with folks where were not family members. I’ve only travel abroad once and that was a trip to Hong Kong for a family reunion. I did travel to Hawaii a couple of times for a conference. Does that count? Nonetheless, going on this trip served as a moment to celebrate self and independence. I’ve never done something so self-indulgent and for myself.
We travelled to three different places in Italy. We went to Verona, Piedmont, and Rome. Thank you to my friends who completely planned this trip. The one friend who was celebrating her 50th birthday organized the travel plans and itinerary, the other (new) friend organized housing. My role in the trip was purely for real-time entertainment and someone to keep track of. I have no sense of direction.
Anyway, our first stop was in Verona. We stayed there for 5-days in a B&B. We walked around to different places, ate great food, and connected with the local people. We just loved Verona and we plan to return to this beautiful city. The bridges, the restaurants, and the local landmarks made this a memorable experience to transition us well to Italy life, slowdown, and enjoy. We did!!
The Verona stay also served as a landing place. The B&B was so beautiful. I feel like that it’s almost foreshadowing my future. I would love to live in a place like this. It was a great place to rest and land while we ventured off to places like Venice and Porto di Desenzano. We travelled to these places by train, but we could not go to Florence due to a train accident the day before and the trains were all full.
Our next destination was to Castello di Montalero (aka. castle in Italy) where we had cooking classes and visited many local vineyards, farms, and places to eat. I just loved this experience and the DREAM devised by my 2-friends 23-years ago as they imagined the “dream vacation” to Italy and make pasta over a crab dinner with a side of butter and a can of Coke in Port Simpson, BC. How could I not join?
After 5 amazing days in the castle and meeting some incredible people from the UK, Ireland, and USA, as well as the family and folks who own and run the castle, we were off to Rome. I mean, this is suppose to be a bucket list travel experience. I can see how it could be and everything is extraordinary big. The scale of things are unimaginable, like the Colosseum, as well as the costs, the hustle, and the people.
Admittedly, going to Rome was not my favourite place to visit in comparison to Verona and Piedmont. I had great food, saw some awesome places, and met some nice people, and have memories I will never forget from Rome, I don’t think I’ll go back. It was a beautiful COUNTER EXAMPLE of what I do value and appreciate. I enjoy the simple things, a slower way of life. Most of all, I enjoyed the people.
Westlake Provincial Park on Mother’s Day on May 14, 2023.
Week 1 – May 15, 2023 – Starting All Over Again
A new beginning. I welcome this moment. I spent many years in my adult life numb and thinking that I am doing what I was suppose to be doing. The next chapter was “My Pedagogical Journey.” It was the first time I took to find myself. I left my K-12 teaching position, I was working on my doctorate, and I was a mom. I experienced many changes during that time. I was a school trustee, I finished my doctorate, and my mom passed away. Soon after, I got a term position to teach at a university in Northern BC, I left my family, and I fell into a work culture I was not familiar with.
After my first year, I was not sure if I wanted to come back. I renewed my contract but that year the faculty association went on strike, we quickly pivoted to remote learning, and my marriage ended. During the pandemic, I engaged in a weekly blog starting at https://christineyounghusband.com/ and concluding on this website. The weekly blog started as something to entertain myself and work on my writing skills, but after 164 weeks, the reflective blog became more of a cognitive routine. During this blog, I wrote many posts contemplating and wondering about what’s important to me. Many ups and downs, but here we are again at a new beginning.
Although I did not write the 4 remaining blogs posts to conclude the “Pandemic Reflections” due to my absence during my Italy trip and wrote a summative blog instead, I felt compelled to come back to my blog to reflect the week and maybe grieve the end of one chapter and welcome a new one. I just listened to a podcast episode with Jane Fonda on Armchair Expert and the promises she made on the last chapter of her life at 60, I am inspired to do the same as I approach 60 as well. I have a few years, but I am very aware of the next chapter of my life and how do I want to live my third chapter. I am finally arriving and I’m not going to waste it.
I have learned many lessons over 5-decades, 5-years, 5-months, and 5-days. I am so grateful to have experienced Italy with two amazing people for two weeks. I never laughed so hard. It was my first time to travel abroad without family. I am learning about my independence, my ego, and my capacity. Humbling, for sure, but we are already planning TURIN 2025. We are going back. I can’t wait. And, I am committed to training (for the “hike” and) for a 10K run (or maybe half marathon). I need a life change even though my life has been changing. The difference is, I want to make these choices because I want to make these choices. That’s it. 🙂
The last year with teacher candidates has been absolutely amazing. It was my small crew from EDUC 490 and EDUC 491 and the elementary cohort the year following. I had no idea what was possible. They taught me what was possible. I will cherish their courage, kindness, and honesty. It’s tough to describe when you are working with a group and they are walking WITH you (i.e., beside me). I feel honoured and overwhelmed by your generosity and your gifts. You make me very hopeful and excited for the students in K-12. They will be so lucky to have you as their teacher. I feel so lucky to have you as my teacher. Thank you so much!!!
And the photo above… aka. being with my kid. I am so grateful to live with my kid over the last 2-years. The three years prior were chaos, traumatizing, and broken. We took our time together to heal, love, and learn. She just finished her first year in the nursing program. She’s becoming to be an amazing adult. She’s independent. She’s generous, kind, and loving. Yesterday during Mother’s Day was awesome. She treated me like a Queen. “What do you want to do today, Mom?” I want to be by the water. How about going to Westlake? She says, “ok, let’s have a picnic.” Damn. This gesture made my day. Not only did she surprise me with gifts the night before after picking me up from the airport, she took me out for a Keg dinner.
I wondered what this “new beginning” will be. I have so much to be grateful for. So, I think this will be the GRATITUDE JOURNAL. It will be a weekly blog. I will reflect on my week. But, I will focus on what I am grateful for. Admittedly, I have gratitude for the challenges and the unexpected. I appreciate the opportunity to learn but also speak truth and stand up for myself. It’s always a good test. I think that I will continue my exploration about WHAT I VALUE. The #pandemicreflection was more about what’s important to me (i.e., my friends, family, and happiness) and now I am going to delve deep into my values. I think the end of this blog reflection series will be when I achieve tenure, promotion, or significant career/life change.
The ending of this blog series is arbitrary. When I started the #pandemicreflection I thought that I would only write about 10-blog posts, but it turned out to be about 150 more. Who knew? Not me (or anyone). I don’t want to make this blog series work related, but it is on my WordPress site that I use as an exemplar for work. Seems appropriate. I was just reflecting today that I am in a good place. I love my work, I love the people I get to work with, and I love to learn something new. I am always learning and I think that’s what keeps me in this work. I feel grateful to be where I am and I am very grateful for my mom (and dad) who got me here today.
I don’t believe in “perfect”… things could be worse… and I’m happy where I am.
Back home in Prince George, BC and needed a Tim Hortons Smiles Cookie… a gift from the kid.
Weeks 161 to 164 – May 7, 2023 – The last weekly blog
I am back. It’s been awhile since I have been attending to my weekly blog. I think this might be my last post for my weekly #pandemicreflections. I made a little joke with myself to blog on a weekly basis while we were in the COVID-19 pandemic. On May 5, 2023, the WHO (World Health Organization) declared the end to the COVID global health emergency. The pandemic is “over” and so will these blogs.
Hmm… it’s taken me a week to get back to “normal” after adjusting to the Pacific Time Zone after my 2-week trip in Italy. Although I was “working” during my time away, I did not bring my laptop to blog or write. The week before that, I was in the “hustle” to get my marking done for the end of term. I was reading papers until the very last moment before I departed on April 15, 2023 to YVR and Verona, Italy.
Travelling with this happy crew… we had lots of laughs and giggles.
I think that sums up my last for weeks: marking, travel, and recovery (during work). I had full intentions to write a blog for each week missed during my time away, but I did not expect the pandemic to end as well. Seems timely. As a result, this blog post will be a fairly lengthy one, but hopefully succinct enough for folks to read. I had incredible time in Italy and I think that I’ve returned home a different person.
First, I would like to mention that I am very proud of the Elementary Cohort and I greatly enjoyed my time and work this these teacher candidates. The last two terms with this crew exceeded my expectations. It’s amazing to learn alongside this crew. Although not perfect, I am grateful that they were willing to take risks with me, provide feedback, and find the good in the work that we were achieving.
Ending Block 2 with Makerspace as Summative Assessment along with reading journals.
With last year’s EDUC 491 Elementary Crew and this year’s Elementary Cohort in EDUC 394, EDUC 391, EDUC 421, and EDUC 405, I feel humbled and honoured to have them in my pedagogical journey. They helped me to understand what is possible in my practice, but also develop my teacher efficacy in higher education. They gave me the agency and autonomy to create new learning opportunities.
I am the learner. I love that. I am also grateful to my grad classes as well, EDUC 639 and EDUC 633. They also helped me to delve deep into online learning that is community oriented, collaborative, and co-constructed. It’s not perfect, of course. I’m still learning and developing, but this is the joy of teaching. I never want to give the illusion that teaching is “perfect.” It isn’t. It’s messy, divergent, and creative.
One of the many beautiful pictures of Verona, Italy. It was an amazing place to be.
After submitting my grades, to the best of my ability, I was on the first flight out of Prince George, BC and I met up with my twin bro at the Vancouver airport to have fancy breakfast at the Fairmont hotel before meeting up with my friends. This trip was a vision had 23-years ago to celebrate a milestone birthday of my friend. The dream was to make pasta in Italy… and we did. And, I made a new friend too. 🙂
Laugh and giggles throughout. I had no expectations of Italy except that I wanted to bring a block of cheese home as a souvenir. We saw many churches, ate lots of yummy food, and engaged in the local culture when we could. Anna and I regularly attended a local coffee shop near our B & B, and we loved our server, Amber. We loved the cappuccinos and delicious sandwiches. Verona was a great place to be.
Of course, we went to Venice for the day to ride the Gondola (and by glassware).
Travelling in Italy was amazing. I have never traveled abroad without family. I did once to Hong Kong for a family reunion, but this experience to travel to Europe was a new experience. I had no expectations. I would consider myself a follower in this vacation and enjoyed every minute of it. I cannot believe that I had the chance to ride a gondola. That said, I appreciated more of the local experience better.
It’s easy to get caught in the “tourist trap.” It costs a tonne as well. That said, “you only live once.” That was my mantra for this trip… YOLO! My friends bought some beautiful glassware from a local artist in Venice. Of course, I enjoyed the pasta and the eating experience… LOL. Unfortunately, we were did not make it to Florence to meet David due to a train accident. Instead, we went to Desenzano del Garda.
Why not throw in a selfie pic into my blog post? It had to happen sometime. #OnBrand
It was a beautiful lake community. We were already at the train station with hopes of going to Florence, but all the trains were full. This was an excellent alternative. The train took us to Desenzano station and we walked down to the lake. We arrived early so there were not many people around. We had a cappuccino, the skies cleared up, and we walked around through the town. It was a short day trip.
You can imagine that I took a tonne of photos throughout the vacation. I’m finding it somewhat challenging to choose the photos to best depict the trip, but I am really enjoying the scroll through my pics as I write this blog post. We did a lot during this vacation and I’m only highlighting a few points. The highlight of the vacation was going to Castello di Montalero to cook, meet friends, and explore.
Our last day at the castle… The travel gang and Charlie… “Happy Days!”
Honestly… I must have took hundreds of photos at the castle, before the castle, and after the castle. So many to choose from, but I choose this one with Charlie. He was the youngest son of the owner and our guide throughout our 5-days at the castle. He was super amazing and engaging. He brought us to wineries, local vendors, and places of interest. He kept our group together and entertained.
We cooked a few times as a group of 10. We worked with a couple local chefs to make different types of pasta and other foods like focaccia. Admittedly, it was the best focaccia bread I’ve ever tasted. We are doing it all wrong in Canada. I was so amazed by the quality of food in Italy, but also the way of life. I was so enamoured by one of the chefs and the principles she lived by. I learned so much from her.
We met people from the UK, USA, and Ireland. As different as we were, we were able to get along. That is serendipity. So many laughs. So many giggles. For me, it was a week of humility and humbleness. I was learning so much. I can only laugh at myself. I even adopted a new name during my trip…. “Alice.” It’s my real first name, but how it’s pronounced in Italy was so beautiful (see Google), I opted to go by it.
I soon found out (on my last day at the castle) that “Alice” also means anchovy. Charlie told me this when we were at the market, but I soon learned that the crew all new a couple of days before and didn’t have the heart to share it with me. Huh. I am one small salty fish. Dang. Who knew? LOL. Another thing to laugh about and embrace. I loved my 5-days at Castello di Montalero. We are planning to go back.
Yolks (our travel buddy) at the Colosseum in Rome, Italy.
The Italy vacation ends with Rome. You’d expect Rome to be a destination place… and it is. But this place was packed and catered to the American tourist. I was continuously fascinated by the scale of the Colosseum and Vatican, but I will admit that I favoured the rural and remote areas of Italy. I appreciated the culture and the straightforwardness of life. Also, folks were generally very well dressed. 🙂
As I reflect on my Italian experience, I can see three clear exemplars of Italy and how they are metaphors to how I would like to approach life. It’s an interesting way to end my #pandemicreflections with what’s really important to me. I can see that I enjoy the simple things in life. I love being with people and I love listening to people’s stories and passions. That is really fuel to my fire. It’s the relationships.
#PatioPics on Twitter @Dr_Christine_Ho (another social media funny for me).
Now, I’m back home in Prince George. I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to fly home the day before I went back to work full time. The transition was not kind but found some solace knowing my travel mates felt the same way. I am grateful to be sitting here at my desk with the sun shining on me typing on my “new” computer (because my old “temporarily died… now gifted to my kid).
I think that I will be returning to the castle. We are already making plans for 2025 and going to Florence as well to meet David and possibly visit Torino. We heard good things about that place too as a good place to visit. I have no regrets and very appreciative to have this weekly blog to reflect on the quality of life and changes over the last 3-years. 164 weeks of blogging. Looking forward to what’s next.
A gift given to me from one of my students after the Winter 2023 Term. #grateful
Week 160 – April 7, 2023 – Heartwarming and Validating
It’s the long weekend and this Friday has become my “be a person Saturday” so I enjoyed the day slept in, made breakfast for my kid, and went out with friend for lunch and dinner. Oh… and it’s time to blog. After today, I will need to be an email and marking machine. I have to get all my work done before an leave for a couple of weeks and a treat to myself. I am hoping for deep thinking time, learning, and exploring. Rest and joy is good too. I can’t wait. Until then, I shall write this blog.
The first thing I would like to write about is EDUC 633 and the CHECK portion of the Spiral of Inquiry. It might be a bit early to comment, but our last class on Wednesday was AMAZING. Each person briefly shared their self-study with the class and what they have learned within their inquiry in context to the course. I was so impressed with the diversity, the complexity, and level of care. Along with each presentation was a short commentary on the course and its facilitation.
The EDUC 633 appreciated the autonomy, community, and personalization of the course. Student agency and student voice equates to student ownership. Only good comments and I felt that it was an incredible learning community. At the end of the class during office hours, one student commented on the quality of the course, my authenticity and flexibility, and my ability to hold space for others as a BIPOC instructor/professor. Honoured, humbled, and grateful for the class.
I guess this would be the unofficial CHECK. I am waiting for the final draft of their papers next week. I am looking forward to their self-study inquiry. I loved how their inquiry helped them to identify the implications of Human Development in education. We learned some pertinent and relevant information about each stage to provide perspective on their practice and course of action to improve the learning experiences for students. I love that this learning is a vehicle for change.
The next day was EDUC 391/421. A full day of teaching and my last class with the Elementary Cohort. I would like to mention that it was a full-moon and the very last class before the long weekend and end of the term. I started the class with the Core Competencies, had an awesome guest speaker (aka. Shannon Schinkel) to speak about Standards Based Grading (SBG), and concluded with the EDUC 421 Summative Assessment. It was a soft ending (or landing) for the course and term. When students completed their “making” of their metaphor for assessment, they had the exit slip of taking a photo, taking notes, and emailing their work to me.
Again, the final assessment for EDUC 391/421 will not be complete until next week, but I am looking forward to seeing what videos or written compositions of their “assessment metaphor” will be do demonstrate their learning of the course. I am also looking forward to reading their practicum reports and finalizing their grades in my courses. I will continue with this cohort with EDUC 405, but this course will be mostly asynchronous. I am very lucky to work with a cohort who were so willing to take risks, engage in different learning experiences, and open their hearts and minds to the land as teacher, co-construction, and community.
Working with this cohort for two terms in 3.5 different classes and an incredible teaching and learning opportunity for me (and I hope they felt the same way too). I had the chance to flex the course content between EDUC 394, EDUC 405, EDUC 391, and EDUC 421 to demonstrate the complexity and interconnectedness between these courses and hopefully they can see that with other courses. Throughout the two terms, I had many kind words and compliments shared with me, and for this, I am grateful. I also acknowledge that we could not accomplish this good work without them. Serendipity of us together made this possible.
Gosh. I might do another reflective journal of my two terms with the elementary cohort. They were definitely part of my pedagogical learning journey and they taught me what was possible. I am a little sad to see them go, but they are ready for next steps as well. I wish them all the best in the next 2 terms in the program and I hope they are able to remain a learning community throughout the program. I will make note of serendipitous learning opportunity. I had the chance to make drums at Giscome Elementary. The learning, the love, and the openness of the process helped me to learn that there are not mistakes, but meant to happen.
I learned so much from the elders and I was grateful for the invitation from UNBC Alumni (and superhero) Kelsey MacDonald. We had a wonderful ride together to the school and I enjoyed learning with the Giscome school community and a few of the teacher candidates who were able to visit the school as part of EDUC 405 from the beginning of the term and make drums as well. What a humbling experience and I learned so much of what is possible and about adaptability and problem solving. There is a wholeheartedness to this learning experience. Thank you Bonita, Cheryl, Elders, and Giscome School. I had so much fun with you!!!
The photo below was the deer-hide drum I made for Giscome. I loved that I got to make this drum. Honoured. And I had the opportunity to incorporate weaving to the back of this drum. I just loved that. But dang, I was soooooooo tired after that. Who knew? I also learned that my fingers will remain swollen for the rest of the week as well as the smell of the hide. Wow. This was experiential learning at its finest. I’ve also learned that this is the best way I learn… EXPERIENTIALLY. This is why I can see that I am an “Action Researcher” focused on innovative practices, how teachers learn, decolonization, and self-reflection and self-assessment.
THANK YOU students for your feedback. I could not do this work without you. 🙂
Making this deer-hide drum at Giscome Elementary and Learning from Elders.
It’s Week 13 of the Winter Term. We have approached the end of EDUC 633. As part of the summative assessment, I’ve asked students to engage in a Spiral of Inquiry (Halbert & Kaser, 2017) Self Study. The task is a derivative of the Spiral of Inquiry as we learn more about Human Development, we are looking at ourselves and our practice to engage in the 6 stages of inquiry (i.e., the Scan, Focus, Hunch, Learn, Take Action, and Check) with a personalized guided question. The inquiry and self-study is the “implications in education” and the hope is, to create a course of action that is research based to improve the learning experiences of students.
The course started with valid and very broad stroked questions about Human Development and the research that contributed to this field of work. Cultural sensitivity, the emphasis and generalizations concerning poverty (or lack there of), the gender and ancestry of the researchers, and how schools operate as whole were questioned. As we moved forward with the course with the opportunity to look at different learning resources and literature, the inquiries started to take life. Readings started to have some relevance to the inquiry question and self-study and conversations in class became more relevant and recognizable.
The students kept an annotation of their readings and shared their learnings during class time as a whole group discussion. Initially, the course started with breakout rooms to sense make the content informally and in small groups. Over time, the small group conversations became whole group conversations and the network of inquiry is the shared experience of learning and discovery as a class while each student embarked on their own self-study and inquiry. Although the class is only 13-weeks, the TAKE ACTION stage and CHECK stage may be written as future action and a description of how they would check their progress or success. The objective of this course design is to wonder, learn, and take action.
I am also a participant in this learning. I am learning about this course design and about Human Development and my own inquiry as a self-study. As I learn more about the Spiral of Inquiry (experientially) I am learning about its complexities and how it is a useful framework for me as an ACTION RESEARCHER. (Sorry, that made me smile… self-discovery is so wonderful). I engaged in this coursework not only as the course instructor, but as a learner. I have my own inquiries and I wanted to model what I was hoping for from the students. I also wanted to experience what they were experiencing to provide some insight and guidance.
Admittedly, my approach to this work was different. I am not doing an annotation or final paper, but I have been blogging about this teaching and learning journey and depending how things go, may write about it as a program evaluation. I love the idea that my work is a form of research. I love learning in and with my classes to hone my practice and it return, this form of Action Research, fuels my love for learning and provide content to my research program. I was told once by one of my mentors that my work is my research. I did not believe it at the time, but now I am realizing in this work with Human Development that this is MY WORK. 🙂
As you can see, this is a reflective blog post anticipating the end of EDUC 633 and our class tonight. I wanted to write a blog post to form my thinking in preparation for tonight’s class. The plan tonight is to share what we have learned about human development and its implications on our practice in education. I am very excited to hear what each person has learned. I have checked in with each of them last week with office hours and it seems that we have arrived to important understandings that will shift their practice and/or mindset, thus would impact student learning. I have learned a lot about Human Development and looked at my practice critically.
In my self-study inquiry, my question was, “How can I be more human in my practice?” The idea was about bringing more humanity back into the classroom. We get caught up in systems and “the rules” and forget that we are in a “people-industry” thus require systems and rules that are best for people. In my practice as a former secondary math teacher, now researcher and teacher educator, I am wondering about what’s best for students. When working with “any student,” the vibe is “What do you want me to know? What do you want me to do? And, am I doing this right?” I wanted to shift the narrative to nourish student agency.
I’ve been working on my inquiry with deliberate practice for a couple of terms. In my SCAN, when critically reflecting, I was trying to be someone that I’m not. I was not only trying to follow the rules, but also trying to be someone that I thought people wanted me to be or expected me to be. I learned early in EDUC 633 that my inquiry stems from infancy. I was a little surprised. Attachment theory, trust vs. shame, and parenting styles led me to a HUNCH about being a second-generation Chinese Canadian, being assimilated, and striving to be a “white man” to succeed in the world. This misalignment in my identity, as developed in Adolescence and Early Adulthood, let to many life decisions that were not authentic to who I am.
This understanding of who I thought I should be also influenced who I was a K-12 teacher. I want to be more myself and design my classes that reflected who I am. This want might be reflective of my Middle Adulthood way of being where my Identity Development from Adolescence entailed “identity foreclosure” and committed to being a particular way because I thought I was expected of me to “be a good Canadian” then moved towards “identity moratorium” in Early Adulthood. I don’t think that I have achieved my identity, really, until Middle Adulthood. Life events during Early Adulthood like my career, marriage, family, and divorce has influenced who I am today but also reflective of the changes in one’s identity.
The FOCUS of my self-study was designing classes that reflected who I really wanted to be and how I wanted my class to operate. I wanted to embrace the 4R’s of (Kirkness & Barnhardt, 2001) of Relevance, Respect, Responsibility, and Reciprocity as well as the First Peoples Principles of Learning (BC Ministry of Education, 2006). I am a settler and non-Indigenous, but the lack of my ethnic identity and empathy for the history of First Nations, Metis, and Inuit Peoples in Canada with respect to cultural genocide and Truth and Reconciliation, I feel this way of being is aligned to who I am and want to be as a person and educator.
My HUNCH is my sense of self and learning more about my ethnic identity and who I am as a person. I live between two worlds and doing this exploration in another collaborative project with a former student. I am fully assimilated to Canadian culture. I have no language or culture that reflect my physical looks of being a Chinese/Cantonese person with exception to food, family dynamics, and birth order. How can I be the teacher I want to be when I am not sure of who I am. This thinking is aligned to Parker Palmer’s Identity and Integrity in Teaching. “You teach who you are”… but who am I? The LEARNING is learning more about myself, and Human Development. The ACTION is to teach who I am and want to be.
In Teacher Education and Graduate Studies, my audience is in Early Adulthood. For Teacher Candidates, many are in Emerging Adulthood where they are in an age of identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between, and possibilities. They are impressionable and it is important to me to model the work of Parker Palmer and Indigenous ways of knowing and being. I wanted to bring this thinking to my graduate classes online, but also I wanted to model what it means to be a “learner” not an expert (even though my expertise in Middle Adulthood is well developed). Community, Connection, and Co-Construction are integral components to my course design and teaching. It was scary, but I needed to act.
I can see the variance amongst the undergraduates of Perry’s Scheme (1970) of Cognitive Development fluctuating between dualism, multiplicity, and relativism based on their age and experience. In my graduate classes, I see students engaged in relativism and are able to reflect on their practice in this self-study and were able to delve into my 3 C’s of Community, Connection, and Co-Construction. There were moments of asking about criteria for the final product, which is expected, but I had to remain consistent with my expectations that was open to student choice and student agency. I hope that students can see what I was trying to create in the learning experiences in my class which is reflective and reflexive.
The CHECK of this self-inquiry will start at the end of this week when the courses end and I can seek feedback from students and I will look at the quality of their final papers and Summative Assessments. I recall one week when I had office hours with one student asking me if my class reflects who I am. I said yes. They proceeded with encouraging words to continue. At this time, I have no regrets and I am not consumed by what I perceive other people in my role do in their classes and I am fully focused on my students, their learning needs, and my expertise. In doing this self-study and taking action, I am more aligned to who I really am. 🙂
Three times a charm… am I right? I’ve attempted to write this weekly blog post three times. This is the third time. You’re welcome. And, I don’t think it will be a post about Human Development even though it might be representative of my state of being in MIDDLE ADULTHOOD. Today, I went to an open house and it was the perfect house. I was not prepared to make an offer, but wished I was. There was lots of interest in the house and they were taking offers today at 4pm. No can do.
I’m wondering if this was a metaphor of what is. Who knows? I’m not reading into anything. What that little house told me was, BE READY. I’m ready for change. As much as I think that I want routines and the status quo, I am realizing is, I need to keep growing and learning. In doing so, change is inherent. What I am also learning is, I can’t do this on my own. I need help from others and there’s no shame in that. Another thing I am learning is, I did not fail because I could not my house today.
THE LEARNING MINDSET. I read in the Human Development Resource under adolescence describing the difference between growth and fixed mindsets in terms of learning goals versus performance goals. I needed this at the time when I read this a few weeks ago. It took some time to shift my mindset. I was so focused on performance and what other people thought of me. I thought I overcame that when I landed on my chest in curling, slipping on the ice while saving my face.
Nope. Not the case. Falling in front of people (twice) on the curling ice last week was a turning was definitely a turning point. I was not embarrassed or shamed. I was joking around and being myself. That’s the key. I was myself. The testing continued. I needed that falling-catalyst to jump into setting my mindset to applying for a tenure track position. I had to update my CV, teaching statement, and research statement as well as the cover letter, of course. I learned a tonne.
In my application, I was very intentional in terms of what position I was applying for, what evidence I was providing to articulate my teaching and research, and I was not overselling, hiding, or trying to someone else. I was ready to apply and was able to learn from various websites what I needed to do in my application. I loved learning about how to write an academic CV and why it was important. It took me HOURS to revise. I underestimated the time but I am so pleased with it now.
For my teaching and research statements, I saw some examples online and started re-writing each one. Each statement expanded from half a page each to two-pages each. I am so proud of my accomplishments and where I want to go. I’ll admit that I imagined my research program as a three-circled Venn Diagram, but not sure if that came across in a clear way. I’m still thinking of a quick blurb to describe my work. Teaching Innovations Researcher. Hmm… just made that up and it has a ring.
I am proud of myself for investing many, many hours into this application. I’m not too caught up in the outcome, but I was more consumed by the learning and it was wonderful to see my growth over time. I am growing. I am learning. And, this is my job to do so. I am also grateful for my references and mentors for their ongoing support. I am so lucky to have these people in my life. Their wholeheartedness, honesty, and willingness to lift me up is heartwarming and truly humbling.
Despite of some obstacles experienced this week, I am learning to keep my mind, body, and spirit in the LEARNING MINDSET. Otherwise, I’m second guessing, not sure, or scared. I can’t function when I’m in a state of FEAR. I can’t grow or learn. I end up hiding and minimizing who I am as a person. I lose sight of MY WHY and believe that other people are “right.” The only person who knows what’s right for me is me. That’s it. And, I’m ok if people don’t agree with me. It’s not about me.
The week ended horribly. I went to bed early on Friday, enjoyed my “be a person day” on Saturday, and took this day… Sunday… to look at my perfect house, take care of myself, and be the person I am and going to be. I am learning more about who I am with each day and growing into this way of being is truly aligned to who I am. When I made that TEDxWestVancouverED, I was looking for this alignment. I think I’ve found it. No one else has to like it but me. That’s all that matters. 🙂
Week 158 – March 27, 2023 – Feeling Good About Myself
Wow. It’s taken me some time… A LONG TIME… to feel the way that I do. I wonder if I have finally arrived in MIDDLE ADULTHOOD. According to the textbook I’m reading for my Human Development course, I’m halfway through this stage in my lifespan. OY. It’s tough to imagine that it’s taken all of this time to good about who I am. I don’t have to worry about what others think of me and what matters is me.
This way of being is not about narcissism or egocentrism, it’s about understanding who I am and what’s important to me. It’s taken about 158 weeks of the pandemic. Can you believe that? I’ve been carrying a weekly blog ever since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic in my previous website which start with something that brought a smile to myself with my #pandemicreflections. Who knew it could be?
And yes, I’m late with this blog post as I have tried to keep to a routine of reflecting on the weekend, typically on Saturdays. Of course, time when I would write would vary from week to week. This weekend had some defining moments that led to a slight delay on this week’s #pandemicreflection. Good thing that I have developed forgiveness, grace, self-care, and compassion for self and others. Yay. It’s all good.
I do believe in serendipity or maybe it’s more about self-awareness and listening. Things happen for a reason and I believe that it’s our responsibility to learn from those situations. I will admit, I have not been very good at this. I am learning and getting better at responding to situations. On Friday, I fell on my chest while sweeping a rock during my last curling game of the season. It didn’t bother me.
This fall was a TSN Turning Point and something to notice. Aside from being out of shape and feeling the aches and pains of being my age (aka. Middle Adulthood), I lost my footing, slipped, and fell in front of my team, the opponents, and others who were curling. Honestly, it was funny. I joked about it. I appreciated everyone’s concern and care, but I was so grateful for my chest for breaking my fall. LOL.
I had another incident with my kid on Saturday with my kid that triggered me to stand up for myself, value myself, and use my words and actions to create a clear boundary that honours myself. These actions and the why behind these actions were huge for me. I love my kid to bits, but I cannot “give myself away” anymore. I’ve been doing that for most of my life. She is an adult. We are both adjusting.
After dinner and walk that night with a friend and couple of other conversations that day, I was stoked to approach an application for tenure track and taking the process with a learning mindset. As mentioned in the last few blog posts, I’ve been in a place of uncertainty, second-guessing, and discomfort. I understand now that I was in a fixed mindset and too focused on the outcome. Now, I’m ready to learn.
I need to invest the time in me. As a mentor once said to me, “be selfish.” Although I do good work for others and in service to others, not much of what I do is for me. At some level, it is for me because I am in the service to those in my classes or one’s I am supervising, and I do take great joy in creating learning opportunities for others to thrive, learn, and enjoy. But, I need to do the same thing for ME. 🙂
And yes, I started working on my CV… finally. I am learning a tonne. I am googling online about academic CV’s and I am learning and deciding what I need to do to adapt what I have already. It’s been fun to review some my accomplishments over the last 15-years but also finding errors in the CV that I was maintaining to keep track of what I am doing as part of my annual PAR (professional activity report).
I’ve been working on my CV from 10pm to 6am and Saturday night (my tiger time and more) and all day on Sunday. Whew. I’m still working on it and it’s been fun. Gosh. The learning mindset is transformational. Although I am working on a task that I was resisting and dreading for quite some time, I love what I am learning and starting to understand some nuances of higher education but also my strengths.
Although I am applying for one job as part of my pathway towards MY DREAM, I know that working on my CV, cover letter, and teaching/research statement is an opportunity to learn, grow, and reflect on my practice. It keeps me updated and it prepares me for the next advertisement that is of “good fit” for me. It’s not the other way around. I love looking at my research program and I’m feeling excited.
I am proud of who I am. No regrets. This pedagogical journey is about learning more about myself and accepting who I am. I have arrived. I feel that the few “tests” this weekend has proven to me that I’m ready. I am my full self. I am not “perfect” but I am the “perfect me.” This is who I am. I don’t want to forget to mention the conversations I had on Thursday that led me to where I am today.
My life is good. Very good. I have nothing (really) to complain about. This might be the Middle Adulthood way of being. I have landed on my name as well. It will be “Christine Ho Younghusband.” I will maintain all of the permutations with my first name “Alice” and I acknowledge that my name (as much as I hated it and struggled with it) has been a integral part of my journey. I’m keeping it. It’s part of my story.
Look at me… arrival… feels great and a smooth landing. Now… back to my CV.
Week 157 – March 18, 2023 – There are no short cuts.
I need to return back to my EDUC 633 reflections. I’m a few weeks behind. I don’t think that’s a problem, but I make these promises and I want to keep them. I had a moment thinking that I could blend my Human Development reflections with my weekly pandemic reflections, but I found myself in cognitive paralysis. Not helpful. Maybe this is a classic characteristic of being a LIBRA. I’m trying to find a balance with all that is on my plate and I just have to jump in with two feet and do it all.
Let’s return back to my self-study question: How can I be more humanistic in my teaching practice? It’s something like that. I have realized during class this week that I am engaged in all parts of Spiral of Inquiry: Scanning, Focussing, Developing a Hunch, Learning, Taking Action, and Checking. At first, I was scanning with my practice and making a change of who I am as an educator and finding myself again after several major life events. Apparently, identity development is ongoing.
Thank goodness. My life was relatively turbulent over the last few years and the pandemic served a purpose of slowing down and identifying what was important to me. As I read about MIDDLE ADULTHOOD (my current age range), it claims that midlife crisis does not exist, with exception to a study looking at white males who could not live up to “the dream” and physical and mental peaks are declining. I would say I’m part of the 23% who experienced a midlife crisis or unraveling.
My fluid intelligence may be getting a bit slower and my crystallized intelligence is improving over time. My “middle aged brain” is more calm and attempts to deal with my emotions and social interactions more better. LOL. I depend on my tacit knowledge and although I have not returned back to higher education formally as a student, as an academic I’ve realized recently that I get paid to be a learner. I was struck in the ADOLESCENCE chapter that compared growth and fixed mindsets.
I teach in teacher education and speak to growth and fixed mindsets conceptually. Carol Dueck made a distinction between the two but in this chapter it also talked about “performance goals” versus “learning goals” and saying that performance goals represent the fixed mindset. I was jostled and can see that this is true. Performance goals is about seeking approval, worrying about people’s judgement of you, and setting limiting targets. I need to focus on a LEARNER’S MINDSET.
From scanning and looking at my practice with hopes of bringing humanity into schools, the reading from the INFANCY and FAMILY chapters led me to focus on “belonging, acceptance, and authenticity.” My early understandings of being a second generation Chinese Canadian, I grew up trying to achieve the identity of a “white man” while assimilation, marginalization, and racism were social norms. I lived most of my life protecting myself and pretending to be someone I was not.
From the MIDDLE CHILDHOOD chapter, I was drawn to the ideas of PLAY and sense-making. I was left wondering about the role of play in teaching and learning but also for developing social norms and sense of self. Play can bring a child a sense of efficacy and confidence as they start to develop who they are. Also, the topics of gender identity and sexual identity helped me to realize that to bring COMPASSION to my practice, I need to continue to learn more about humanity.
The ADOLESCENCE chapter looked at identity development as well as EARLY ADULTHOOD. I look back at myself to realize that developing my ethnic identity was almost absent. I was too busy looking at “performance goals” to please my parents, to seek approval, and to become the ideal “successful white man” or achieve “the dream.” Hmm… this self-study is coming together. I could relate to the “emerging adult” with my daughter, but now I can see my fixed mindset on me.
My HUNCH connects to my another study I am working on adjacent to this one which is looking at my ethnic identity, decolonization, and being an educator. My hunch is, my busyness of becoming a very privileged setter on the stolen lands of the Lheidli T’enneh, shishalh nation, and Ts’msyen Peoples. I could not be my true self. I was not 100% authentic, wholehearted, or vulnerable with myself or my practice. Play was difficult for me. Trust is something I am always struggling with.
Sigh. That was tough to write, but it’s true. I catch myself in this fixed mindset and always attempt to move towards the growth mindset. I am LEARNING about Human Development, but I am also learning about how to be open, vulnerable, and playful. Making mistakes is OK (at least, that’s what I tell myself), taking risks and trying something new, and having tough (or truthful) conversations with my learners is important to me (and hopefully for them too). I’m not hiding anymore.
Reading through the EARLY ADULTHOOD chapter was somewhat difficult for me. Aside from learning that my child will shift from “emerging adult” to adulthood when she realizes her independence, the other topics endured in the middle adulthood are ones that I wanted to overlook and ignore. LOL. Divorce, family, and figuring out what you want to do with you life are all resonant with me and I spent the last 3-decades wrestling through that angst and the insincerity of success.
So, I’m TAKING ACTION. In my practice (this term and last), I am taking the risk of being myself, designing learning opportunities that are aligned to my philosophy and pedagogical stance, and acting in ways that are wholehearted and vulnerable. I am trying to be true to myself in my practice, not just in the classroom, but also valuing myself as a person (and professor). I feel so fortunate and thankful for the students, colleagues, friends, and family who are helping me to walk this new path.
I am learning lots and I am brought back to the MIDDLE ADULTHOOD chapter (where I am today), my “creativity” while I develop my expertise, motivation, and cognition. The textbook says, “Franken (2001) defines creativity as “the tendency to generate or recognize ideas, alternatives, or possibilities that may be useful in solving problems… and entertaining ourselves and others.” I never imagined myself to be a writer (dare I say, researcher) after teaching high school math.
Dang. As you can see, I am trying to catch up on all of my reflections over the last few week in Human Development and my self-study, but as I read through the MIDDLE ADULTHOOD chapter, the topic talking about “expertise” resonates with me as it is something I wrote about in my dissertation with respect to deliberate practice, subject matter acquisition, and teaching out-of-field. I am also brought to my favourite metaphor for life, learning, and leadership, which is CURLING.
Experts are more intuitive, automatic, strategic, and flexible. Expertise takes time to develop and I can see that in my career in curling, but also in teaching. It’s strange to be learning all over again in a (relatively) new career in higher education. I am learning but I am also using my expertise as context. Shifting my mindset back to LEARNING, I have job satisfaction and I remain humble. I’ve experienced burn-out and job discontent. I know now that I’m in the right place.
I will end this VERY LONG blog post with a recent aha and joyful serendipity. I am listening to a new (to me) podcast, ARM CHAIR EXPERT. I just love it. I don’t know why I do, but I would call myself an “arm chairee.” I wake up to this podcast, go to bed listening to this podcast, or have it on while walking. Most times, I’m giggling. Out of curiosity, I looked up it’s website and says this podcast “celebrates the messiness of being human.” It made me smile. Yes it does. Thank you, always.
