September 24, 2023 – Slowing Down is OK
Deep breath. The first three-weeks of start-up and back to school was rigorous to say the least. My body, mind, and spirit were so tired and demanded sleep and rest. I am starting to feel more like myself and I am grateful to this weekend to get back to life and myself. My first good night’s sleep was on Thursday night. I could not keep my eyes open and I went to bed early. Doing that was very unusual for me.
I was exhausted. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I had thought I could teach 5 courses, supervise one master’s student, and be on committee for two other students on top of contributing to my research program and service work I am committed to. Two of my courses are not typical. One is practicum supervision and the other is portfolio, so there is some flex in my schedule that starts this week.
My classes started well and I just hope I can maintain the quality of teaching but also delve back into my writing and get a few papers out for publication. The last three weeks have been a reality check and I can only do what I can do. There is no failure. I am doing the best that I can. And some days, 80% is ok. If that’s what I have, that’s what I can give. There is no harm in that and it’s still pretty good.
REALISTIC GOALS.
Finding balance in teaching, regardless if it’s in K-12 or in higher education, is something that I have wrestled with as an educator for the last 3 decades. Now, I am at an age when I can do “all-nighters” anymore or not eat throughout the day. My body is unable to handle that kind of stress anymore on top of the stress of the job and perceived stress that may or may not be really there. I need to slow down.
A long story made short, I’ve been focused on my health for the last few months. I went to the doctor this weekend and went for more bloodwork, made referrals, and renewed some prescriptions. My body is talking to me. The car accident I had during the summer helped me to gain perspective about life, work, wellness, and self-care. Now, I see the consequences of not taking care of myself over time.
I am thankful that I am going to the doctor and there are some actions I can take to make my health better. For example, I just completed a mini-kettlebell workout in my apartment this afternoon (thank goodness for YouTube), I’m saying no to the conference in Hawaii (no conference hotel rooms available and costs are too high), and I have mapped out an eating plan that will minimize some of my symptoms.
HOPE.
That’s what I am grateful for. There is still something I can do and it’s not terminal. Part of valuing myself is not just in the mind and spirit, but also the body. My body is yelling at me and finally… I am listening. I am resting this weekend without guilt. I have met minimum expectations because that’s what my mind was ready to do. I also cleaned my apartment this weekend, did laundry, and cooked. It feels good.
Now, I feel rested and ready to get back to work… in a good way. Rest is a form of kindness and compassion for self. I can take a deep breath. Even though I have a tonne of work piling up in front of me, I can only do what I can do and I will do the best that I can. I am confident I am doing my job and I am doing it well. What I need to do well is taking care of myself, listen to my intuition and body, and respond.
I feel good today. A full weekend of Hallmark movies, taking time to rest and sleep, spending time with friends and family, and blogging… makes me happy. I am also supporting teacher candidates and graduates students too, but I’m also part of the formula. Returning to Parker Palmer’s Heart of a Teacher with my classes reminds me that I am part of the equation of “good teaching.” Self-knowledge is good. 🙂
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