August 3, 2024 – Focussing on how I feel

Being attuned to how I feel is a practice. It’s something that I have not done a lot before. More often than not, I would avoid, ignore, or repress my feelings with the belief that what I was thinking was more important or more “right” so just do that and the feelings would pass. Whew. That “thinking” did not serve me. In fact, I think I spent a lot of my time overthinking about the past and future. Weirdly, you can’t change the past and you can see, predict, or concretely attain the future. Holy moly… what a waste of time. I was more worried about what others thought of me rather than worrying, no wait… enjoying and appreciating who I am/was.

I’m not sad, but HAPPY. I get this now. Be in the present. Be who I am. Feel good. Don’t be shy. I’ve been through a lot of changes over the last handful of years and in this time of change and transformation, I have never felt better and more aware of who I am and of my surroundings. During this time of personal disruption, I turned to things like Squishmellows to make me happy. Look at them. See below. They are so dang cute. All of them are smiling. Strangely, it’s almost like a pet. There is unconditional love. Anyway, my students outed me this school year.

I could not hide anymore. It started with one squishy (I believe acquired during the pandemic, if not, then just before) and now there is a community. I was reluctant for folks to know despite the fact they brought me a lot of joy. Slowly but surely, this cohort of students got me to show a little more of them, I was gifted with some, and now they are visible in my office at work and in my home. They are a part of me. There might be a day I will grow out of them, but for now, they make me happy. That’s all that matters. I enjoy them and they bring me a lot of comfort.

This blog post might be a lot of information… not quite the TMI but it’s something about me that I’m not shy or ashamed about (anymore). It’s who I am. I like them. And, if anything I’d like to share in this blog post as a point of learning is, just be yourself. Be proud of what you do and enjoy the things that bring you joy. That’s it. My #OneWord2024 is HAPPY and I believe that paying attention to my one word has helped me to focus on my feelings and pay attention to how I am feeling and why I feel the way I do from time to time. This learning is SELF-KNOWLEDGE.

Yes… I am brought to my “boy friend” Parker Palmer and the Heart of a Teacher. Know your students, know your subject matter, and know yourself. These are the 3 secret ingredients to the identity and integrity of a teacher. No one is perfect and what brings me a lot of joy and happiness is the ability to keep learning. To be vulnerable, open, and humble for new ideas, knowledge, and ways of being makes me happy. It’s damn tough and sometimes its hard work. What I am learning is how to persevere, to appreciate the little things, and to be happy with who I am. 🙂