There is nothing I love more than breakfast out. Ideally, it would be breakfast at a hotel, but WhiteSpot works as well. Damn, it was delicious and a treat. Why not?
I don’t have this kind of meal everyday, but there is nothing wrong with splurging once in a while. I am definitely on a strict diet (and not for reasons of weight loss even though that might be helpful), but I don’t want to deny myself from what’s possible. It’s been two weeks since my last blog post. That’s a bit of an anomaly for me since the beginning of the pandemic and I would have felt compelled to write it. I tried a few times last week, but it was nothing that I was prepared to share.
That’s a big idea for me. Sometimes I felt it was my responsibility or duty to share to be accountable to others, but truth, I need to be accountable to myself. I did write a blog post, posted it, then un-posted it. I tried a couple of times to write something else, but it never made completion. In fact, I just forgot about it. I guess it was not meant to be shared, much like this breakfast. Not all of it was eaten, even though it would have been good to finish my meal, it was not meant to be.
Anyway, I have been doing some personal growth and its been fun to observe and wonder about. I am so proud of myself to get a couple manuscripts completed and I am learning how to trust myself. In doing so, I’m understanding my value and worth. Sounds weird, but I feel like I’m waking up… to my life. I can be anywhere and I can be anyone. I’m not dependent on any one thing, person, or place. This clarity in mindset and way of being have been very liberating and exciting too.
Here’s an example of me noticing. My kid is out of town and we are in contact everyday. I was willing to by her a night or two at a hotel with no hesitation. Yet, when I’m organizing a trip for myself, I don’t think I can afford an extra night or two. It’s very odd. My daughter is reluctant to accept my gesture and ironically, I’m reluctant to accept my own gesture… to me. UGH. A huge aha… and I noticed. I am worth it. I’ll apply for a travel grant, but I’m going anyway because I’m worth it.
The hotel resort looks so fancy and I’ve never been to the Big Island before, but I got two paper presentation proposals accepted and I’m going for it. Single author papers based on the Scholarship of Teaching and my practice. How else can I be more honouring to me? This conference would be all about me and the last time I went to this conference was about 10-years ago, then maybe 5-years ago. It’s time to go back again. And, this time, I’m going for me (and not for anyone else). 🙂
My life has pivoted. I’m still the same person, but lots is unravelling… rapidly. I’m open to this transformation. Maybe it’s now time to register for the conference.
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