Author: christine (Page 5 of 11)

January 6, 2024 – #OneWord: HAPPY

It’s Saturday night and I love how my body has completely conditioned itself to take the day off. I spent the last year trying to take a day off at least once a week and it’s been wonderful for my mental, physical, and spiritual health. Taking it SLOW was my mantra for the latter half of 2023 and now I feel like I have some sense of control of myself and my well-being to make this work more sustainable. Conversely, I have a TONNE of things to do. Knowing this could make me feel anxious (and it does sometimes), but what I have to remember is, I am doing my best. That’s all I can say. And part of doing my best is to REST and PLAY too.

The first week of teaching went well. I started teaching on Wednesday. It’s the first time for me to teach numeracy. I am excited but it will be a learning curve that I am looking forward to learning more about numeracy and early learners. As mentioned in a previous blog post in October, I just learned that I might be deficient in Spatial Thinking (i.e., no sense of direction, reading issues, etc.). I learned this from the BCAMT conference. I was so engaged and I didn’t know. Moreover, I have invited the district numeracy teacher to share her knowledge and now the district learning commons teacher to talk about manipulatives.

What can I say? I am HAPPY. I am so grateful to have colleagues in the field who want to share their expertise with teacher candidates. I feel very fortunate and humbled. My Thursday’s class could have been a bit better. I struggled a bit because I was trying to redirect the course that was not aligned to what I had originally imagined for the course. I am still thinking about that class and how to navigate next steps. I am super grateful for the students and their adaptability. I ended the week with my Friday’s 4-hour class in assessment and motivation. In this class, I found my flow and reflective of Thursday’s class. It was a good day.

I spent a tonne of time prepping for Friday’s class. 4-hours of prep was intense. In the end, I was really happy with how the class went and I always appreciate relating what I do as a practitioner to (my two “boyfriends”) Parker Palmer and Alasdair MacIntyre. I love my reflective practice. It’s not just about blogging, but I love learning from my experiences. To be able to relate my work to the thinking of Palmer and MacIntyre makes me feel more aligned to my practice. This makes me HAPPY. As you can see, I am trying to align my way to being to my #OneWord.

I’ve been choosing #OneWord for the last 10-years (or maybe a bit less, but close). Often I would choose words that were “should” oriented or “directional.” At least, the intention behind the word I chose for those years. This year is different. I chose a word about BEING. How do I want to be? How do I want to feel? Happy seemed like the best word for me in 2024. And truth, I feel that way. I am also using this word to self-reflect on (i.e., in terms of how the day went, the decisions I’ve made, or how my class went). In the end, I just want to be happy. That’s it.

Being HAPPY has helped me to let things go, to go with the flow, and to do what makes me happy. I hated feeling like I was in the hustle. I’ve done that for years, maybe for decades. I’m in a new place, mentally and spiritually. I am also focused on this year is also my physical health. It has caused me problems over the past few years due to my age and how I’ve been taking care of myself. My commitment is to prioritize myself. I’m learning how to do this. One step at a time. I can do this. What I can say is, the year started really strong… and for this, I’m really happy.

January 1, 2024 – Happy New Year

Hello new year… and new start. Feels great!! It’s one of these “traditions” that I have endured for over half a century (yes… I’m becoming one with my age) and I have a new mindset from this wonderful journey called life. Of course, I’ve called this MY PEDAGOGICAL JOURNEY over the last 10+ years since leaving K-12 education as a secondary mathematics teacher and making sense of my career. What I have learned is, even though I was looking through the lens of my career, I was really examining myself and my values. I am acquiring SELF-KNOWLEDGE.

I know that my (academic) “boy friend” Parker Palmer and his work with the Identity and Integrity of a Teacher resonates with me so deeply because I feel that’s what we all need to be striving for. Every year when I read parts of Chapters 1 & 5 of The Courage to Teach I learn something new. Sometimes I think it’s about “readiness” but I am always struck by the narrative of the two professors and how they pursued their careers in academia. One person focused on “fitting in” and the other person integrated his passion (for woodwork) into his teaching practice.

What a wonderful aha. Which professor do I want to be? For a long time I thought that “fitting in” was important (and required of me) to be a “team member” or to belong to a group. In return, I believed that I would be “rewarded” or recognized for this sacrifice. Hmm… I was wrong. To fit in, in the end, becomes an expectation, which is problematic. I am reminded by Brené Brown’s work in “Braving the Wilderness” with respect to belonging and betrayal. To fit in would often involve compromising one’s values and beliefs (i.e., putting yourself aside) to “belong.”

So, when I think about the two professors in Palmer’s (1997) narrative, I was living the life of one of the one who wanted to fit in, but I am certain that I want to be the one that is authentic and truthful to myself (and not worry about the perceptions of others). Palmer (1997) talks about having knowledge of the subject matter, of the students, and of the self. I feel that I have landed. I left teaching K-12 in 2010 because my heart and spirit were broken. I felt misaligned to the system. Ironically, my teaching practice was very aligned to who I was as a person and practitioner.

In 2023, I made a commitment to be more authentic to who I am in my practice. I wanted to approach my practice with honesty, integrity, and trust. To do so, you have to be vulnerable and take risks that may not be widely practiced by others in the system. I wanted to be the learner. I wanted to try new things even though it would not be perfect. I wanted to make connections with the community. I felt that I had accomplished that and by the last semester felt that I was teaching in the same flow when I left teaching. In my practice, I felt very aligned to who I am.

Although this perceived alignment was not aligned to others (in the system), I am learning more about my practice and what feels good to me as a practitioner and to model this learning to my students. Learning, teaching, and leading in the field of education is an act of vulnerability. Having the courage to risk-take, innovate, and speak truth require vulnerability. Sadly, a natural consequence to this work is push-back. Sometimes this push-back (hopefully shared as formative feedback) is not pleasant due to fear. This fear can be experiences by the receiver and myself.

I have also learned in 2023 is, I cannot control my environment. I can only control myself. I have been practicing this understanding throughout the year to let go and to sense-make what does it mean to lead from within (and be true to myself). If I am critically reflecting on the year, despite mixed outcomes, I am learning that I feel so much better about my practice, the profession, and myself when I am true to myself. It’s not about pleasing others or being “liked” but it’s about doing good work by sticking to my values and beliefs staying true to my identity and integrity.

My resolution for 2024 is STAY THE COURSE, be patient, and trust the process. I am listening to myself and my intuition. I need to act in a truthful and authentic way with myself and others. And, kindness and compassion will be at the heart of my work. I will not be driven by fear. I am driven by love, joy, and happiness. If I cannot achieve love, joy or happiness in the work (or play) that I do, I’m not doing it. Sounds mildly dramatic, but its become a boundary for me. I will challenge myself and take the risks that explores my “stretches” through my “strengths.”

I look forward to 2024. Although most of this blog post focused on teaching, I am also focused on my research, service, and self-care. I am reacquainting myself with my dissertation and my original research with a new lens and new mindset. I have intentions to replicate my study, but also explore math efficacy, teacher efficacy, and identity. I am planning to design a research program that is centred around identity and identity development. This year I co-wrote a program evaluation on ethnic identity as a second-generation Asian-Canadian educator in BC schools.

We have different identities depending on the context. I saw a connection with identity and my doctoral work on out-of-field teaching in mathematics education. Anyway, this might be another blog post, but I am very excited to focus on that work in addition to teacher agency in climate education in teacher education and possibly a self-study on being a second-generation Chinese-Canadian in northern BC. If anything, I will be engaging in ethics and applying for grants. I can do this!! There is so much I want to do and learn, and I am READY to jump in right now.

Even when life challenges us, it’s a gift beyond all measure.

Parker palmer

December 23, 2023 – The Good and the Bad

What can I say… might as well end this year’s weekly blog posts with a selfie by the ocean. Seems fitting. I might have one more blog post before the actual year ends but I’m anticipating that might be a new year’s blog post or I’m MIA. Who knows? The last 5-years has been a whirlwind of a journey to say the least. Lots of changes. And, I end this year having a conversation with a colleague/friend who made note of my age. Yeesh. Frightening. I feel like I’m in my 30’s but I’m nowhere close. What a rude awakening. That said, I appreciate the truth-telling. I am more open to the truth as of late. I think it’s because I am closer to who I am than I’ve ever been.

The reality of my age came to fruition when I was waiting in line at the medical clinic and listening to the birthdates of folks. Hmm… folks around my age do not look like me (or I don’t look like them) but it was an awakening of becoming more aware of my next steps in my career and life. In January, I officially became a single mom. In April, I traveled to Italy with 2 of my friends (my first trip without family). In August, I got into a car accident with a deer on the highway. In October, one of my good friends was diagnosed with a life changing condition. In December, I find myself living with INTENTIONAL YOLO and GRATITUDE for what life brings.

Admittedly, the year has not been a smooth journey and I have learned a tonne about myself. I am proud to submit a paper with a former teacher candidate (now colleague and friend) a paper about being a second-generation Asian Canadian, identity, and third spaces. The journey from start to end took about 3-years to complete but we were able to collaborate and create a paper that has helped both of us to practice in our work with confidence and efficacy that is true to ourselves. There is something to be said about self-knowledge. Thank you Parker Palmer.

I have also learned (from different situations and experiences) that I am a person who has experienced trauma. If I had to be honest with myself, this is true. I was told by a few people that my behaviour is of a person of trauma. ((deep breath)). And, I’ve lived most of my life as a “model minority” and the real-world does not work that way. No wonder my friends and family worry for me. Finally, my friend called me on doing/knowing what’s important to me. I was shocked, but she was right. What’s really important to me? I’ve been trying to do what’s right (for me).

It’s so easy to focus on the “negative things” (at least for me) but what I have been learning is, I can’t control anything that’s around me. I can’t control what people think of me and I can’t control what people do to me. What I can control is how I react or respond. I can control my thoughts and beliefs. I can control what I do. Admittedly, I had my best teacher year this year (well, it got better over time the closer I got to understand who I am and what I believe in). My teaching almost feels as good as it was when I was teaching high school math in public schools.

I’m still trying to figure things out and where I want to go and where I want to be. What I do know for sure is, I am exactly where I need to be (right now). I’m in the right place and right time to learn more about myself, slow down, and do what makes me happy. The interesting part is, I’m learning more about my research and writing. Identity seems to be a new direction but also I’m reigniting my love and relationship to my doctoral work and dissertation. I am getting excited and my efficacy for research and my writing is developing over time. I am happy. 🙂

December 15, 2023 – Celebrate the End

I am not sure how I survived that term. I taught 5-courses, taught one course as a sessional instructor, and supervised one graduate student for their capstone portfolio. I did not have my car and I’m still on the healing journey while many things have unraveled before, during, and near the end of term. Whew!!

What I am learning is, (1) it’s not personal; (2) everyone is trying their best; and (3) you can’t control what other people do or think.

In response to this learning, (1) trust myself; (2) trust myself; and (3) trust myself. The goal is not to have everyone like you, nor is it to be rewarded or acknowledged for good work. It’s more about sticking to my values, my integrity, and my identity. It’s about being seen but for people to really see me, to do that I have to know me. This blog post is getting deeper than I intended, but what I am understanding is, Parker Palmer’s knowing the subject matter, knowing the students, and knowing myself. This self-knowledge is key to my success and I’m learning more and more.

Last term got unusually controversial and I was determined to know who I am and stand in my values. I did moderately OK and was super stressed. Thank goodness for other people how can provide perspective and help me through that process to realize that I did not do anything wrong (that said, it could have been better) but I can’t please everyone. I appreciated listening to a reel by Dr. Gabor Maté who emphasized for women because that’s what’s expected in a patriarchal society. He said that women are forced to put their authentic selves aside to put others first. The reel resonated with me in ways that I did not expect. He was telling my story.

This term was about learning about living as my authentic self. As mentioned, I had an excellent term. My practicum crew, teacher candidates and coaching teachers, were fantastic. I could not have asked for more of a successful final practicum term despite the fact this would be my last practicum within the program. I feel grateful. The 2 undergraduate courses with the new teacher candidates were also amazing. I’ve really enjoyed this crew and it was the two cohorts combined together in one class, for both courses. Finally, the 2 graduate courses were challenging, but in a good way. In all 4 classes, I intentionally included Indigenous Education and our roles as incoming teachers to the profession and educational leaders in schools.

I had my best teaching term. Sometimes delving into a teaching situation where I am not the expert in the subject matter, I was still able to hone my expertise as a facilitator and lead learner. If anything, I wanted to personalize the learning experience for those in my classes and support the teacher candidates in practicum to find their agency and learn more about their teaching identity and teacher efficacy. I also took on, at the last minute, one graduate student who advocated to have me as their supervisor for their capstone course in portfolio. Again, I took great lengths to personalize their learning experience and make accommodations when needed to ensure success and closure to the program.

This term I felt like I was in “the flow” much like I was when I was teaching math in high schools near the end of my term in public schools. It felt incredible, but mostly I felt more like myself. I was happy and I was focused on “doing what’s right, rather than doing things right” (even though, I felt like I did things right). Is there room for improvement? Of course there is!! I teach not by doing the same things every year, but I always try new ideas and make tweaks here and there to make things better. Sometimes it’s not better and that’s the learning (in teaching). And, I’m ok with that… I mean “the learning.” It’s not going to be perfect. That’s why feedback is always helpful, even though it might be judgement or pre-judgement. It’s ok.

If we can give ourselves the grace and compassion to make mistakes as educators, think about what we are modelling for students? Let’s keep learning in teaching.

Friday, December 8, 2023 – Marking Time

I took a bit of time to slow down this week even though it is “marking time” to enjoy the moments where I am not teaching online at night, prepping and planning in the middle of the night for classes on campus, and attending meetings (or emails) during the week. The fall term is coming to an end and although I did teach class on Monday as well at attend the outgoing cohort’s Celebration of Learning that morning, it was nice to have my evenings to myself to catch up and breathe.

That said, I also took last weekend to rest and found myself working during my “tiger time” on Sunday night from 11pm to 3am working on final practicum reports as the Practice Evaluator (aka. Faculty Associate) for my little EDUC 491 crew. I was so happy that all of the Coaching Teachers (aka. School Associates) completed their reports and summative evaluation form by Monday/Tuesday this week too. I am so grateful to these practicing teachers and a pleasure to work with them.

This term was a challenge for me, for different reasons, and I feel that I am landing a perfect dismount. I don’t want to jinx myself as I am still in the middle my floor routine and approaching the end of it by next week with my marking and final evaluations. I am so happy that I was able to complete practicum and observe the Teacher Candidates with a quick juggling act between taking the planes, transit, or taxi, and grabbing rides from others or use of my friend’s car. That was a ride!!

Moreover, I was able to make good connections with the Coaching Teachers and Teacher Candidates while at school, via Zoom, or by email. Over the 10-weeks, we were a very cohesive team and aside from giving some formative feedback near the beginning of practicum, each of the Teacher Candidates achieved a clear pass. In my 5-years+ at the university and teaching EDUC 491, that has never happened before (for me). It was truly serendipitous and it will be my last time teaching it.

I would say that EDUC 491 landed with perfect dismount. Maybe in keeping with this metaphor, it’s like landing a the dismount at one of the directional runs of the floor routine. For EDUC 796, albeit considered service and not workload in my case, was something I did not anticipate to be a part of, but took on the student to supervise for portfolio. The process overall was a bit rumbly and tumbly, but that course ended with a perfect dismount as well and that person got a clear pass.

A few days ago, I finished reading the final paper paper and summative journal for one of my graduate level classes. The students also submitted reading annotations and they were amazing!! I love the ongoingness of the work and on the one hand, the outcome was predictable, meaning, we’ve been working on the final product since our first class together with the Location Statement followed by a brief write up on our “proposal for change.” It’s like puzzle pieces perfectly fitting together.

I am still reflecting on my reading. I was left with awe and wonder. These feelings are good, but I assesses the work holistically and I wanted to make sure what I am reporting (and feedback provided) best reflects the work of the learner. This grad class is a sessional position and I’ve taught CALR 526 at St. Mark’s College at UBC since 2015 and I teach it every two years. I really appreciate that they honour and ask the previous course instructor to teach the course before moving it onwards.

Once I have settled with the final marks for CALR 526 and submitted them, then I will assess and evaluate the second graduate course I’m teaching, EDUC 606. This group was more diverse that what I am used to. Most of the students were in the field of education but not K-12 educators. I felt some regret choosing resources that were all K-12 oriented, but that’s the limitations of a course syllabus, but it also reveals my bias and expertise. In the end, I look forward to reading their work.

This weekend will be the joy of watching the 5-minute IGNITE presentations from EDUC 394. This course is one of my favourite to teach in the teacher education program. I call it the sampler course. The course is called “Pedagogy, Curriculum, and Teaching – Theory in Practice.” I look forward to listening to and watching their IGNITEs and I appreciated how they were also using technology on SMS program at the university (i.e., Kaltura Capture on Moodle). I hope it worked!!

What I love about teaching a couple of courses with the same cohort of learners is that I have the opportunity to integrate and create interdisciplinary learning experiences. Part of EDUC 405 is introducing EdTech. The IGNITE presentations are part of this course’s learning and we had done several other learning opportunities this term to connect the two courses. EDUC 405 also concludes my marking for the fall term. Portfolios from both Blocks 1 and 5 in the program.

Big picture… it’s been a very fulsome term, but also the most fruitful. This was my first term teaching at the university that felt very reminiscent of when I taught secondary mathematics in K-12 public schools. I felt like I was in the flow and truly authentic to who I am as a person and educator. It’s much like my “boyfriend” Parker Palmer’s mantra: know the subject matter, know the learners, and know thy self. Thank you to all the students from the Fall 2023 term. I am thankful.

December 3, 2023 – Standing In My Values

Hello December!! The fall term is coming to an end and my last day of teaching is tomorrow. I also have practicum reports to write tonight in preparation for the Celebration of Learning for the outgoing cohort of teacher candidates, and then my last class with the incoming cohort Monday afternoon with a guest speaker from Science World (Vancouver) through Exploration Place in Prince George.

I am learning. Every day is a learning day. My pedagogical journey has evolved over time. I find myself looking at old photos, on Facebook memories or Google photos, and I am reminded of the journey that I am on and how I am transforming with each day, with each moment. My goal has been to slow down this year… and notice. This has been a daunting task and I am appreciating the little things.

Look!! It snowed today and the blue sky peaked through too. (See image above). Much like the ocean, I love the bright blue skies of the central interior in BC. It’s so vast, beautiful, and endless, which situates me and how small I am in this world. They sky, the ocean keeps me humble and help with perspective and what matters. I am brought to full attention to what matters to me and to live my life that way.

Much like my name… I have to make a decision. What do I want to do with my life? Sounds like a light question. For the last couple of months, I have been thinking about how I want to spend my time. What’s really important to me? How do I want to spend the last chapter of my life? What are my values? I feel that for much of my life I was living for someone else, but now I have the opportunity to life for me.

I know that living life for me has always been true, but I led my life trying to meet other people’s expectations and not knowing, trying to please others. In doing so, I was losing myself, my sense of identity, and my sense of self worth. I am rebuilding and have been doing so over the last few years. I am at a place right now where I know who I am and I am learning how to act in ways that are aligned to my values.

With my name, I kept my blended name. On the one hand, it’s my “brand” with respect to my work, but on the other hand, that’s the name of who I am despite what other people want for me (or want for themselves). I don’t have to seek anyone’s approval. I just have to stand in my values. Once I make a decision, I need to keep moving forward. Similarly, I need to make decisions (for my happiness).

Sometimes these decisions may be perceived difficult to make, yet others easy. Either way, what remains consistent is keeping aligned to my values and what’s important to me. I have been assessing aspects of my life based on reciprocity, happiness, and my why. I admit that I live my life through rose-coloured lenses. What I have learned is, I’m ok with that. That’s how I want to live my life. 🙂

November 26, 2023 – Intentional YOLO

If I have to be completely honest, I am likely going to end my weekend with this blog post and yes, I’m in my bed. The bed seems like an appropriate place to work. UGH. I know. Don’t judge. That’s just how things go sometimes. What I am happy about is taking the whole weekend for myself. I needed it. I had such a wonderful weekend that I had to savour every moment. My recent mantra is: Intentional YOLO. Basically, I did ME-TIME and being-a-person-time. It feels really good!!

Admittedly, Friday was a somewhat a write-off so that does not count as part of my weekend. I did an “all nighter” on Thursday night to provide some feedback on this piece of writing that I just mentioned above. It wasn’t really an all-nighter because I had narcoleptic moments throughout the night, but I managed to get the task done before the day started. I had a full day and anticipated the marathon. The day started early and the university and ended late with Friday night curling.

I was so tired. I could not even through my rocks that well because I just wanted to go to bed. Friday was a very long day. That was a lesson learned with the counter example. I need to sleep and rest. Plain and simple. For the last 6-months I’ve been working on the concept of rest and SLOWING DOWN. In the summer, I bought a book from at a conference called “The Slow Professor.” I’ve been working on taking Saturdays to rest. This week I needed Sunday too. No guilt. No shame.

My weekend started on Saturday. I had a full night’s sleep. No sleeping in. I was meeting up with someone at Starbucks. I am so grateful that they were willing to meet at the one near my place. I have no car. It’s still in the shop and meeting up at this coffee shop gives me some freedom too and be able to walk from my place. It was an awesome meeting. I think I met them about 10-years ago in Vancouver. Now, they were in Prince George for the weekend. We had an awesome chat!!

The day evolved into meeting up with another friend for coffee. We got me a new phone case and we chatted at the local Starbucks (again). I am not complaining. I love CONNECTION and another cup of coffee. It was an excellent way to start my weekend with going to one of my favourite places to gab. I ended the day food shopping with the kid and making us dinner. Vi-guy and zucchini stirfry on rice. It’s a bit of my mom’s cooking. I concluded the day by putting up the Christmas tree.

Sunday I slept in. It felt WONDERFUL. I love sleep. I had intentions of jumping into work. Aside from one meeting I had in the morning and another coffee chat with another friend at Starbucks, I spent the day cleaning my place. I needed to do this. It was not extensive cleaning, but a continuation from last night’s Christmas decorations and wanting to tidy up my room, kitchen, and storage space. I think of this cleaning more like a means to ground myself before the busy week begins.

I have a tonne to do and I realize that what I am doing is not a realistic workload that is sustainable. It takes me a whole term to realize that “I can’t wait for term to end” is a viable strategy for management and well-being. I can only do so much and I need to create some boundaries of what’s important to me and stick to it. The litmus for what stays or goes is the level of reciprocity the activity gives me. If I find that I am giving myself away to get something done, that is the first to go.

In this SLOW MOVEMENT, I am becoming more aware of how I want to live my life and where I want to spend my time. I am a hard worker and I have a lot of good intentions. That said, I am learning how to honour, value, and respect myself in the work that I do. Sometimes the answer will have to be NO… and that’s ok. As my kid says, I am easily upsold on things. What I need to do is, do what’s good for me. 🙂 That’s it. I am in service to others. There’s no question of that, but to what end.

November 17, 2023 – Finding Direction

Oh my goodness… I am so grateful today. There is nothing better than someone wanting to and willing to provide some mentorship for the betterment of YOU. It’s amazing to me. The generosity and kindness afforded are unfathomable. I have support from others here and there, but to have someone who I feel like I can be vulnerable with in terms of my work and thinking without conflict of interest or feelings of obligations is amazing. I almost feel that this relationship has been serendipitous and I feel validated and seen with what I need/want to do next.

I am speaking strictly about my career in academia. It’s something that I’ve entered in professionally only a handful of years ago and I floated around for about 8-years before that (aka. an interesting and bewildering career move) and had a fruitful but conflicting career in K-12 education as a high school math teacher. When I look back, everything that I have done in past has been integral to who I am today, but I am baffled as to how I got here and where I want to go to next. What I learned today is, how do I want the next 10-years look to like?

Gosh… planning… LOL. It’s not my strength. My twin-brother got that superpower. Whew… he’s a planner. As for me, I am challenged (again) with grappling with what I want to do as a 5-year plan and then 10-year plan. This call to action (or at least reflection) is career-oriented, but my personal life and wants are also part of the equation. Saying that, my personal life and wants are also integral to my research. I am 100% sure that I do enjoy teaching and learning and that my research agenda is focused on the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (SoTL). That’s exciting!!

After my conversation today, I have identified my research focus to build my research program on. THAT WAS AMAZING!!! I had some idea of what I wanted to pursue my research agenda on, but I am so muddled in the duty to service. That’s another thing I need to work on (and possibly another blog post). I am learning what it means to be “selfish” (i.e., service to myself and my work) in academia and realizing that my work is important too. This realization has taken some time… in addition to the importance of REST and to resist the “hustle.”

It’s great to have someone who is a mentor/coach and knows the “business” but has no self-interest in helping except for the intrinsic good of helping someone relatively new to the business. For that, I am grateful. I am also grateful for the feedback, the personal narratives, and emotional responses to help me to truly understand the direction I am heading. I AM SUPER EXCITED. I have no words. To know that I can pursue a research program that is dramatically different from my dissertation and truly meaningful to me personally and professionally is a gift.

I would often use the work PIVOT in my practice to help teacher candidates know that when you make a plan or anticipate how the lesson or unit may go, it’s ok to change your mind in the moment. Well, here I am. I am pivoting and I can’t wait. Yes, some things will take some time to transition away from or to re-navigate, but I feel super stoked about taking the next steps in my research program (with the little time I have in my work day) to pursue something that is meaningful for me. Hopefully my work will be meaningful to others, but for now, the focus is on me.

Again, I believe that everything that has happened in this meandering pedagogical journey was meant to happen the way it has to get to where I am today. I feel very privileged to have people around me to help me along the way to figure out what is really important to me (without the feelings of “I should…” or being worried about what others think or do). What I am most excited about is to learn more about my mom, her story, and thus my story as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian. I never thought I would have a career writing… nor in history either… but here I am.

November 10, 2023 – Field Trips with Candidates

I’ve asked the EDUC 405 students to write a blog post on the field trips we are taking during our class. Last month we went to the Prince George Public Library and this month we went to the Two Rivers Art Gallery. I loved going to both places with this crew and the learning intention with each of these community based learning experiences is content creation for their e-Portfolios through blogging, to think about how these places can support their practice, and to consider how these places can be part of their students in K-12 learning experiences. I believe going on field trips, including going outside, must have a clear learning intention.

The public library trip also included a follow-up learning activity for EDUC 394 regarding lesson planning, BC’s Curriculum, and (adapted) lesson plan template. We iterated this lesson plan from a collaborative lesson planning experience to an individual one, then with a self/peer assessment process that resembles BC’s new Student Reporting Policy and creating an assessment plan for the lesson plan. I love making these learning experience attach to the learning intention/target and for each student to sense-make through theory and policy with experiences. I’ve been appreciating the idea of community based learning. Learning is not isolated to a classroom or book, but the community offers lots of expertise and resources.

We visited the “Nonreturnables” and the “Dismantled Worlds” exhibits at the Two Rivers Art Gallery which focused on climate anxiety and climate crisis. I thought it was so amazing for me as someone who is trying to learn more about the issues in another project I’m working on, but the context was very inclusive to the K-12 teacher candidates in all subject areas and interests. I was very pleased with the tour, the experience, and the learning. I also appreciated the post-tour creative session. I am learning more about my creativity and it makes me happy to try each time. It’s getting easier and I have a tonne of fun with with… now. It was good to experience that as well as reconnecting with the gallery. It’s my favourite place.

Similarly, going to the Prince George Public Library (PGPL) is always awesome. I learn something new each time I go. This field trip was my third time visiting and I did not realize that they set out books for book clubs. What a genius idea. I am also enamoured by the place and its openness. The final appeal is the ukulele group. Anyway, I appreciate all of the resources at the public library and the services they offer to K-12 schools. I love the idea of all people have the right to read and the strong endorsement to have K-12 students to get their library card. We did the same endorsement with the teacher candidates. I was very pleased with this trip.

If I do my deepest reflection and gratitude, much of this work started with teacher candidates I was working with in EDUC 491 a couple of years ago when the course subdivided into small working groups. My crew was amazing and so willing to try new things in preparation for their 10-week practicum. They helped me to take risks and try new things such as community based learning experiences. That crew helped me to find the courage to do something different and be OK with that. I have only good feelings for that crew. They offered much feedback and created a learning community that was inclusive, caring, and respectful. I felt so lucky.

I am reminded of the brilliance of my practice and I am learning more and more about what it means to be a learner, deliberate practice, and intentionality. TY.

November 5, 2023 – The Little Things

There is nothing I like more than slowing down. I am learning each day how to do that even though the last few weeks have felt like mayhem. I am not sure if the mayhem has ended but I am taking the time to slow down because that’s what I need. I am learning to be ok with this need to slow down. As my kid would say, I’m a TIME SUCK. Truth… I am savouring time. I love to take my time and be intentional with my actions. I’ve gone through most of my life not doing this and thinking that it was expected of me to in “the race” or I would sometimes call “the hustle.”

Weirdly, I situate myself in this situation, especially as an “academic-wannabe” in higher education. I’m not sure what I am trying to prove and to whom, but now I understand that the person I need to impress and belong to is ME. I had it wrong all along and now I am learning how to make my own path through life and work. I am so grateful to my classes in the last few years for walking beside me during this journey of self-discovery. If I’m really honest with myself, I’ve been on this journey for a long time. I’m just turning the corner… I am moving closer to being human.

It’s been an incredible journey over the last two years, in my practice and life. I’m not even sure why I am separating the two… they are the same thing… it’s just me. Anyway, I’ve been working on my pedagogy and just the other day (November 2) was the first time I felt like my teaching and classroom dynamics felt just as good as it was when I was teaching high school mathematics in public schools. I feel like the two teaching experiences re-connected. That only took 15-years to get here. I was so pleased students took control of their learning in my Thursday’s class.

I am making connections everyday and I am so grateful for the lessons I learn from my friends, colleagues, students… and the kid. Ever since my car accident in the summer, I was trying to operate from a YOLO-mindset and not sweat the little things. I realized that everythingI thought was important was not important. So what is important? It’s me. I don’t say this as if I was a narcissist, but the opposite. What my learning journey is guiding me to is being more attuned to myself, my needs, and my value. I’m important and that’s not a bad thing. I can do what I love.

Hence the image above of my nephew-dog. Do what you love. Enjoy. Savour. I love to teach. I love to learn. I love doing things that I love to do… like sleeping in Saturday mornings, watching Hallmark movies, curling on Friday nights, eating a big breakfast at a hotel restaurant, eating dumplings and yummy congee, being with my family and kid, spending time with friends, collaborating with colleagues, going to craft fairs, loving my mom, and writing and reflecting on my practice. I’m sure there are more things like drinking coffee and eating a bag of chips. LOL.

OK. I can’t forget about my Squishmellow Collection (and Croc footwear). That’s something about me and what I love. I am learning to worry more about what I think and not what others think. As difficult as that can (or could) be, especially in my work, what matters most are my values. Like Kon Mari, does it bring me joy? Cam the Squishmellow brings me joy… along with his other friends at my home. Admittedly, there has been obstacles, struggles, and experiences I wished never happened. But, I do have a lot of joy, wonder, and happiness. Just live your life!!