Dr. Christine Ho Younghusband

June 19, 2026 – It took some time to clear

Nothing isn’t as clear or straightforward as it seems to be. For example, I am going to physiotherapy. I think I’ve gone about a dozen times, and I am making progress, but the journey is not over. At first, I thought I had a hip flexor problem after I got a Thai massage. Nope. That’s not right. I thought is issue was acute and I need was to put my hip in place. Nope. Wrong again. I thought it was due to falling on the ice a handful of months ago, and then I thought about my curling injury from a few years ago. Wait a minute… it was bigger than I thought.

Same story with my COGNITIVE CLOG… there was no quick fix. There are layers and layers of reasons/factors/variables that create this cognitive clog. I think about my bathroom sink. What’s creating that clog? Hair, bacteria, barf… who knows, but the sink would work a lot better without the clog. Sure, you can wait a bit longer for the sink to drain, but either pushing that clog through or pulling out what ever is making that clog is ideal. Either way, each takes bit of time and navigation to clear that clog. Well, I just got that today… cognitively.

I often wonder why I got into academia. I would say it was never a goal… but then I would be lying because I used to write on pieces of paper as a kid, “Dr. Christine Ho, BSc, MSc, PhD.” I did not take that pathway exactly, but for some reason, I knew I was going to be a doctor. It was something that I wanted, yet for many decades of my life, I believed that I am not a good writer, I am not a good reader, so what in my right mind said… let’s go into academia??? Not sure, but here I am. Lots of what I am very interested in academically is about efficacy, identity, and learning. Guess what? Those are all the areas that I struggle with.

I mentioned this in another blog post… that I heard in a podcast… RESEARCH is ME-SEARCH. I cannot deny this notion. Moreover, I’ve been trying to figure out my research program. I really dislike having to write my bio because you have to write about your research interests. And yet, after spending a lot of time trying to figure out what my doctoral research was going to be about and then having to research and write about this topic was a journey and a half. So much self-discovery, disappointments, and life changes took me down a path that soon after I figured out to write about and find the love for my work, I ditched it.

What do I mean about that?

Was there anyone interested in my work? I remember that I offered a session at the provincial math conference one year, and no one showed up except for one colleague who is a professor at another university who followed my work about Indigenous Education and Mathematics (of which I am writing a chapter about). I presented the work at an international conference, and no one showed up there. I did very well in my oral presentation during my defence and was told that this was one of the best defences that one of the members of the examination team had seen. That was a compliment, but the confidence for my work was rapidly declining even though my supervisor wanted me to publish and be a co-author.

I had no idea what was happening. A long story made short, I spent a lot of my time in academia hiding my work and trying to do other work that’s not really mine. Does that sound like a cognitive clog? It sure does. I did not value my work, and I was very sensitive to any feedback or comments about my work. Even though there was a manuscript ready to go, one rejection threw me over the edge. I had a tonne of self-doubt, and I created stories about my work and abilities that were not true. It’s like being in an abusive relationship, and I have the pleaser mentality. Don’t make waves, or nobody will like you. That was made pretty clear early in my journey in academia. I played the cards wrong. Lay low.

My productivity was slow and marginal. I gradually gained my confidence back in teaching, and I really parked my ambitions when my daughter started to attend university. I need to really find ways to create stability for us, so I just stayed the course. I wanted to learn more about research, but I never took the risk to pursue my research. I started to write about identity development and e-portfolios, but EdTech is not my field of expertise. At every moment, at every turn, I felt like I was “out-of-field” with my teaching and research. I could do it, but my heart was not deeply embedded in the work, even though it’s important.

Over time, I established lots of stability in my work. I renewed my contract, bought a house, became a cat mom, got fully committed to a SLOW-professor lifestyle, and tried not to get to distracted by being hustled or feeling judged. I just got to the place where I wanted to do what I wanted to do on my own terms. Part of that was realizing how much I love mathematics education. But, I was also doing work around equity, identity, and professional learning. Lots of what I was doing at the university was dancing around my doctoral research without doing or continuing with that research, per se. Now I see, I have to return home.

And just like that, the cognitive clog clears.

June 18, 2026 – CSSE 2026

See photo. What a great way to end my CSSE 2026 conference experience at the University of Winnipeg. Being with friends and meeting new people over food… there is no other way I want to spend my time. I am so glad that we are no longer in COVID-19 times. Although there are many things that I currently do that are COVID-influenced, like Zoom meetings and working from home, I just love a good conference. This year, CSSE (Canadian Society for the Study of Education) Conference 2026 was held at the University of Winnipeg. This year, CSSE was not part of Congress, which did not run this year. An expected consequence is, associations connected to CSSE were able to mix and mingle.

Admittedly, I am an Pro-D PIG. I love professional development, and I love professional learn, so I love going to conferences and workshops. It’s just what I love to do. I’m owning that now. Who would have thought? Well, my colleague from many years ago that I am co-authoring a chapter with has mentioned that to me several times, and well, looking back at my career in K-12, trusteeship, and in academia… I LOVE LEARNING. The kind of learning I love relates to teaching and learning. Hence, I am understanding that my research program is aligned to the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (add a little leadership too).

At CSSE 2026, I presented twice for the Canadian Association for Teacher Education (CATE)… once, representing the research team from the Climate Education in Teacher Education (CETE) study from UNBC, and once with a couple of colleagues from the BC Teacher Education Network (BCTEN). The first presentation was about a couple of frameworks created by CETE that teachers to use to plan for Climate Change Education using BC’s Curriculum. the second presentation was about Connective Professionalism in BC. Both topics are about doing what’s good in teacher education and K-12 education.

The more that I am learning more about myself and the work that I do, the more I am understanding that I am continuing the work that fuelled me decades ago when I started teaching in K-12 schools as a secondary mathematics teacher. How can we improve the learning experience for students? Part of this question involves professional learning communities, learning out-of-field, and finding the love for learning. Ironically, as I listed out these three components that align to this guiding question are areas that I am also engaging in and searching for. Huh. That’s kind of cool to realize. I love that. And, I feel that I am already here.

The other part I was involved with at CSSE was being the Vice-President and Program Manager for the Canadian Association for Action Research in Education (CAARE). I went to every CAARE session to self-assess and for formative feedback as to how well the program was constructed, etc. I loved every session. The first day of the CAARE conference at CSSE 2026 was spectacular, thought-provoking, and 100% engaging. It was like… “Am I home?” I was so deeply invested in every session, and I was so mesmerized by the diversity of the research projects and by the change each project is making.

Again, I am back to my guiding question… and listening to every CAARE presentation was answering the question in their own way. Wow. No wonder I found the CAARE conference so aligned to who I am and what I want to do. Huh. This makes sense to me. OMG. What a gorgeous aha from blogging and reflection. I could not understand why I loved the CAARE sessions. I met many amazing people in CAARE, I work with some outstanding individuals on the CAARE executive, and I now know that my research program is action research. What a beautiful aha. What I do in my research is about facilitating change.

I know… people don’t like to change for the sake of change… but where I am coming from, change needs to be explored. How can we improve the learning experience for students? This guiding question is not static. Context matters. What I love about conferences and professional learning is CHANGE. People are exploring and investigating questions they have. What they find can create change. Also, in a program evaluation, trying something new in one’s practice is about reflecting on the impact of change or action. I can really see my alignment with Action Research, Leadership, and the Scholarship for Teaching & Learning.

I can do this.

June 7, 2026 – An Exceptional Day

At the university, I love being a part of convocation. During my time at UNBC, I have volunteered to be one of the Faculty Leads for the faculty procession at convocation. There are two ceremonies at UNBC, and love being a part of both. This year was a special year… my kid is graduating from the School of Nursing. I cannot believe that she has finished the 4-year program at CNC and UNBC. It was not that long ago when she made the big move to Prince George to be with me. We have grown up so much together during the last 5-years, and I am so grateful to be part of these formative years as my kid enters the workforce and adulthood.

I wrote about her in my other WordPress blog and made note of her many accomplishments and achievements. As said in the video below. I believe that her time at UNBC is “unmatched.” The kid has surpassed my expectations and she starts work as a registered nurse tomorrow. I can’t believe it. She is also ready to leave the nest as she considers looking at places to purchase in Prince George, as an investment, but also signalling her first steps into independence. I wanted to share in this blog post 2 videos posted by UNBC Alumni and UNBC. I love that there was an immediate documentation of this special day for the kid.

My kid would rather lead from behind. She’s not one to brag or promote herself. I get that. I’m much like that too. She just wants to do good things and get things done. She surely knows how to do that. I am so proud of all of the community work she does in Prince George and UNBC (re: Stem Cell Club, Pre-Med Club, Prince Hoops, and Relay for Life), but I am so happy to know that her work is recognized by many. I appreciated that the Interim President personalized his convocation speeches by recognizing 2-3 students. The kid was one of them. Best of all, her convocation was the same day as her birthday. What an exceptional day!!

Congratulations KID… you did it… you rocked it!! You should be proud of your accomplishments, and the person you are becoming. I am so proud of you.

Volunteering at this year’s convocation was extra special. I loved reuniting and seeing the MEd and BEd students graduating this year, reconnecting with colleagues as part of the faculty procession for both ceremonies, and to see you cross the stage… hugging your friend, Chancellor, Interim President, Chair, and your MOM, along with all other School of Nursing Faculty members. Yay YOU!!

May 24, 2026 – The Kid is Graduating

Can you believe that I am almost finished my 8th year at UNBC? I told my friend that “fun-fact” during our breakfast out this morning and she gasped. The truth is, time flies. My kid is graduating this week, and the convocation is this Friday. She is graduating with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN) from UNBC. I am so proud of her. She had done so many other things during her time at UNBC, such as research and being an RA, Research Ethics Board member, President of the Stem Cell Club, Vice-President of the Pre-Med Club, Relay for Life in Prince George committee, and Prince Hoops co-organizer. These are not just roles or positions, but she had done a tonne of work in planning and facilitating sessions, events, and fundraising. It’s pretty incredible. And, it was all HER.

I can’t believe that she had accomplished so much in so little time. It was only 5 years ago when she moved up to Prince George with me. She did a gap year to make up a few credits, and then she was accepted into the CNC/UNBC Nursing Program. And, just like that… she’s done. Two years at CNC, and 2-years at UNBC. The time just few by. I can’t believe it. I am so grateful that she decided to live with me in Prince George, post-pandemic remote learning. At the time, I lived in a one-bedroom apartment. There was a separate dining room, which was my bedroom/office for three years before I purchased a townhouse over a year ago. I love living with my kid, and I do not take the last 5-years for granted.

Now, I feel that we are where we need and want to be. She will be starting work soon after convocation, and I will be moving forward with my work. We’ll see how things unfold with work. I know that I am in a place of transition. There is a lot of literatre about changing careers after 7-years. I’m in that sweet spot. Looking back at my career, it seems like my change over times about 8-years. I am really enjoying what I am doing and the people I am working with at the university. Maybe my next step would be working towards a promotion with a focus on research, or it might be something else. I am also thinking about writing a book about my mom, but I do want to finish the projects I have already started.

I am so proud of my kid, and I am excited that she is graduating this week, and I will be there, front row, as faculty and mom. This ending is only the beginning. 🙂

May 15, 2026 – Reflecting on my Journey

Currently, I am having a unique opportunity to be in schools to work with teacher candidates from another program, and I am learning lots. I am stretched and challenged in ways I did not expect, and I am often driven into reflection to examine my practice, values, and ways of being. I am always appreciative of professional learning. It’s part of my research interests, but also I love the opportunity to learn to grow and develop to become a better educator, mentor, and facilitator. Learning requires a lot of humility and vulnerability. It’s not easy sometimes, but the learning makes me better at what I do… at least, I hope so.

In doing this work, I also have the opportunity to bump into former students from the program I primarily teach in, who are teaching or leading in the schools. I love saying hello to these folks, but also the opportunity to work with seasoned educators of whom I did not work with as a teacher educator. I feel so hopeful and heartened for these folks and the future of K-12 education. Moreover, I get to bump into a few teacher candidates from my program I have recently who are in practicum. I feel grateful, excited, and proud of these practicing teachers and teacher candidates. I love having short conversations with them about how they are doing and where they are going. I feel hopeful about the future of K-12.

What a wonderful place to be… It’s taken me more than 15-years to get here. I left teaching in K-12 schools in 2010. I was a former high school math teacher. My career in education took a rebrand: from high school math teacher to school trustee/educational consultant to sessional instructor to teacher educator. When I left teaching and pursued doctoral studies in educational leadership, I had no idea where I was going. Leaving public schools was almost a 10-year grieving process, and I did not expect to enter higher education and become a teacher educator. THIS… is my Pedagogical Journey. I did not know what to expect, but doors open, and some close. You just have to walk through them to find out.

I left teaching math when my career K-12 was at its peak. I loved teaching math. Learning was so visible. Math was so emotional and relational. Sadly, it was also a gate keeper for most students and their potential futures, which was one inspiration for my dissertation. My math classes were amazing and I loved what we were doing as a learning community. We were learning math… and having fun. I can see many aspects of my teaching now being very similar to how I taught math. It’s Parker Palmer’s, “you teach who you are.” I am so happy to be back teaching. It’s hard to describe the joy I had teaching mathematics. I have joy in teaching in teacher education, graduate studies, and undergraduate too.

I have moments thinking about returning to the classroom and teaching high school mathematics. I have lots of good memories, despite the challenges. And yet, when I bump into former students and they are becoming the seasoned teachers and school leaders, I am filled with confidence, happiness, and joy. I want these people to be in the classroom and schools. They are doing amazing. I had a little part in that, just like with my former math students and where they are today. It’s incredible to think that I was a part of their learning journey, as much as they were a part of My Pedagogical Journey. So, I think about my next steps in this journey. What brings me joy? What brings me happiness?

My kid is graduating this month from her nursing program. I took a pause from this critical examination because I wanted her to have some security, with a place to live, a program to attend, and a space where to grow and develop. I wanted that for myself too. I think I have achieved that. In the meantime, I spent time learning about “what is research” and exploring different ways to engage, learn, and collaborate with other scholars in education and beyond. I have found a lot of joy in meeting and working with new people, yet, I am in a position that is not tenure track, and more teaching oriented, with little security as term faculty. Even thinking about the journey to where I am today, I have learned a lot about myself, academia, and where I want to be next. The goal is to listen to myself.

How am I feeling? Listen. I think, deep down inside, I know my next step. 🙂

May 3, 2026 – Getting My Dose of HUGS

Thank you to all those who made the ABCDE Roundtable 2026 possible at SFU. Normally, I would not be attending these sessions because I do not have a specific administrative role in teacher education. I am a faculty member, and I am helping out with UBC NITEP this year with a few Teacher Candidates as a Faculty Advisor, but I know of many of these folks from BCTEN, WestCAST, graduate studies, and teacher education. It’s interesting to think how I am am connected to different people in BC Education. For me, going to ABCDE is an opportunity to reunite with some of these people, meet new people, and learn something new. I missed the BCTF session that ran concurrently to the Deans of Education meeting on Thursday because I had already booked my plane ticket well in advance prior to the announcement of this session. But, I did make it to the hotel and to the mix and mingle at the microbrewery. I had a lot of fun.

The tacos were amazing… I had a next to no alcohol IPA… and the doughnuts were a great way to close the evening. I met up with folks from UBC, UVic, SFU, and many other folks from TRU, UFV, BCTC, and other universities throughout the event. I had a great time reconnecting and meeting new people. This is my JAM. I also like presenting, as well as teaching too. I can see that I like people. LOL. That is definitely something I prefer to do. Admittedly, I had a bit of FOMO when I could not attend the BCTF session, but a colleague of mine from UNBC attended the session and I was travelling with another colleague from Prince George. We sat together on the plane and we made our way to the hotel. When I learned that session was with Dr. Lorna Williams, I saw her at TRU a few years ago, and the breakfast and the keynote were at First Peoples’ Gathering House at SFU. Yay!! The Gathering Place was beautiful and breakfast was delicious.

There was no planned session for faculty members at the Roundtable. I could have attended a session for information purpose only, like the session intended for Program Managers, but my colleague from the Regional program went to that session, the Dean went to the Dean’s session, and my other colleague went to the Practicum Placement Coordinator session. UNBC was well represented. I opted to attend an online meeting with my other colleagues at UNBC that was running concurrently to Roundtable, then go for a walk around campus, my alma mater. I checked out the new Student Union Building and went to the Bookstore. I did not buy anything except for a large iced cherry matcha at the Renaissance Cafe before lunch. The lunch was delicious too. AMAZING!! I loved the keynote session about AI, reciprocity, and teacher education, and I also enjoyed my after lunch session learning about embedding Compassionate Systems into teacher education. The day ended with a drumming circle, outside, in the sun. Brilliant.

April 26, 2026 – Changing My Mindset

I need to invest some time in time management… LOL. Ironic, I know. I try to set up the demonstrations of learning so that people can be successful without compromising the expectations or standards, but people are not the same. People don’t interpret what you say in the same way. People don’t articulate their ideas in the same way. And, people don’t assess or evaluate in the same way. I teach the assessment course for one of the cohorts at the university and I often describe assessment as a very complex, non-linear process. The goal is to acquire enough evidence of work to make a good decision or judgement. This mantra is a good reminder for me. Another good reminder is, don’t assume anything. You have to look at the work and success criteria to evaluate the student’s achievement. Admittedly, assessing student learning is not easy work.

Gosh, I wished that I could just give a 100-question multiple choice exam at the end of a course. It would be quick and easy. No judgement to be made. A 100% final to conclude a course would be ideal… in terms of workload. It’s been curious making for me as an instructor at the university to work with folks in the undergraduate, graduate, and teacher education programs. The expectations are different and so are the outcomes. At the graduate level, you get deep engagement during class, work output through reading reflections that are intrinsic driven, and final assignments that embody praxis by bringing theory and practice together through inquiry with hopes of making change from action.

The teacher candidates, on the other hand, are learning about practice and the intention of teacher education is to bring theory and practice together. This intentionality takes some scaffolding and may not be as visible as the master students during coursework because they are early in the program and have not yet entered practicum. Attendance and assignment completion are mandatory. So, it can be difficult to see if the motivation is intrinsic or extrinsic. In the end, these students want to become teachers and will do what it takes to be one. Finally, the undergraduate students, most of them take a course in education as an elective. Some have it as part of their list of required courses, some want to become teachers and are aiming to enrol in a teacher education program, and others are looking for credit. Assignments and attendance does vary a lot.

My shift in mindset is to be curious about what the students have learned. I get caught up on deadlines, expectations, and the marking process that I cannot find the joy in marking and grading. I want to be generous and kind, but there are limitations and standards to comply to. Making the judgement can be difficult. At some level, it does feel personal because you have built a relationship with the students, and on another level, it’s transactional where a response to the demonstration of learning provided needs a grade and possibly some feedback. I wonder about feedback in the summative assessment. Is there a next time? How to you keep the learning moving forward at the end of the course (aka., end of the learning process). Holistically, it makes sense, if one believes the student will keep learning beyond your course, which they will.

What I do know for sure is, I do need to be in the right mindset to mark and grade papers. I need to be sure that I can look at the work objectively and grade with fairness and kindness. It’s interesting to see how the three programs offers different challenges in grading, much of the student’s work depends on their motivation and program expectations. Another aspect that needs consideration is AI. How much is being completed by AI, and how to design assessment that would use AI as a tool, if needed or used, and still ensure student learning and engagement are at the forefront of the course to assess student achievement. Assessment is not a science, but rather a human judgement of one’s learning.

April 19, 2026 – Be Happy with Me

I could not do it. As much as I want to change my name, I find myself caught into the “should” mindset versus “want” mindset. I get why folks in my family would like me to change my name, but that drive is more about them than me. I did make a decision half-heartedly to go with “Ho Younghusband” when I started working in Prince George to honour both my pre-married and married self. Now, I’m post-married. I was separated in August 2019 and divorced in January 2023. The image was me travelling in Italy with my friends in May 2023. The journey since 2019 has been transformative and turbulent to say the least. Moreover, I moved to Prince George in August 2018 to take a position at the university, but my family stayed on the Sunshine Coast. And, my mom passed away in 2018.

As I look back, this transformation has been happening for quite some time. I could say that turning 40 was a turbulent time, and it was. I quit my job then and pursued my doctoral studies while serving at a two-term school trustee. I learned a tonne from that experience, but if anything, it was transitional. I remember going to an event that was incredibly disruptive after getting a massage from an RMT. The body never lies, and I just wasn’t happy at that time. I don’t remember how old I was. I must have had my kid, and I returned to work. Although I believe that I was myself, I was totally numb at the same time too. I was struggling and a long story made short, I needed to do everything that I needed to do to get where I am today. I am happy, independent, and FREE.

This freedom is incredible and I never thought that I could do what I have achieved so far. I feel more like myself with each day, and I’m learning what it means to take hold of my agency and understand my voice. I’m still learning that, but I could not do this work without the help of others. I love my job, I love the work that I get to do (re: teaching, research, and service), and I love where I live. I got to live with my kid for the last 5-years, and we have created a good life here in Prince George. We took this time to be safe, but also become the people who we have become (and becoming). I am so proud of my kid for completing her degree, but also the amount of service she has engaged in and research. AMAZING. Again, my kid exceeded my capacity and capability 10-fold, much like swimming, and I want that for her. She has a right to succeed and be happy.

This image reminds me of my freedom and happiness. I am very grateful for my current circumstance, and knowing my name is a part of it. When the “Ho” part of my name was removed from my last name at the university (due to a system update, I guess), and I was annoyed that “someone” (don’t know who) could just change my name. I don’t need a hyphen. And, I also realized from the counter example that “Ho” is not my last name either. I just need to have my VOICE enacted and insist on “Ho Younghusband” as my last name. I did that almost 8 years ago prior to the divorce and separation, but it’s really my name, despite how annoying the name might be to me and to others. And, I am OK with that.

April 11, 2026 – Engage in Transformation

This beautiful person presented in my EDUC 201 class last week to conclude the course and to summarize or make sense of everything we learned in that class. She was the perfect “closer” to the course by making everything that seemed theoretical (or dreamy) into something that was real and attainable. This person is so magical and I am so grateful that our paths crossed when she was a teacher candidate in the teacher education program I teach in. She was amazing then… but damn, she more amazing now. The feelings I have for her is very much like when I saw Dr. Shelley Moore do her TEDx talk in Langley, BC. My thought was, this person is on the rise and I am witnessing the beginning.

What we have been learning in EDUC 201 was Shane Safir et al’s book on the Pedagogies of Voice. How can we centre the voices of the marginalized. I was so engaged and heartened by the message of the book and the ideas shared. This beautiful person in involved with Shane Safir’s work and her practice exemplifies many of the ideas articulated in the book. So, it was so wonderful for her to be so generous with her time to prep and present to my class. Although she wanted the presentation to be more of a conversation, she presented for 70 minutes straight by sharing stories, core values, and her practice. The time felt like 30 minutes and I really did not want to end the learning experience. She even stayed after class to talk to some of the students and many students shared their gratitude for her presentation. Many felt heard by her presentation and she was an amazing presenter by listening and being responsive to the audience. I also loved that we did a quick follow up as she wanted some feedback on how the presentation went and if there was any feedback to give.

She was her true authentic self. She was unapologetic. Her positionality statement was unhinged and honest. This beautiful person provoked me. I was mesmerized by her transparency, honesty, and frankness. She took ownership everything that she spoke of and she was very clear about HER WHY. This clarity was spellbounding and I was more impressed by how it influences her practice and how she moves through the world. She seemed joyful and at peace with what she was doing and with herself. The presentation was so powerful, in more ways that she (or I) knows (knew). I wanted some of that. Not to be her, per se, but rather to feel good about who I am and know what I am doing is right for me and for the people I serve. I often question myself or learned to “lay low.”

The slide behind our selfie was the most impactful for piece of learning for me during the presentation. Take the time to get to know your students from the inside and the outside. Observe. Listen. Understand. This work was inspired by Dr. Shelley Moore, who was inspired by the work of Dr. Leyton Schnellert and Faye Brownlie. I love how this learning grows and interconnected to other great and wonderful people in education. Of course, this work also aligns to Shane Safir et al’s work with the Pedagogies of Voice. it’s about compassion, kindness, and meeting where the students are. Everyone wants to be seen. It’s a human desire, much like belonging. I’ve been reflecting on this learning and have come to understand, to be able to see another person for who they are and the gifts that they bring, to deeply listen to that person and their stories, to understand them and have compassion, you have be able to see yourself and be yourself.

I witnessed that.

I had to let that learning simmer with me for a bit. Our power and strength as an educator comes from within. I think this is true with all of the teacher candidate alumni who come back to my classes to present and give back to the program and profession. I was sharing with the class that I don’t bring people into my class who I am not align to, pedagogically and philosophically. I am so grateful that students/alumni stay in touch and want to come back. I am also very proud of them when I see… HUH, THEY HAVE WAY SURPASSED ME… and that’s what I hope for. Be better. And damn, I am so proud of this beautiful person and others who have presented in my class. I am so grateful for their expertise and generosity. We are a sharing/caring profession in a community of practice.

Anyway, given this enlightenment… I am inspired to be my authentic self. It’s not that I have not be “the true me”… I have been, but some parts of me are laying low. Other parts of me was trying to figure out “what’s important to me” and my WHY. I know my why… I know who I am… I just have to believe in it. After the presentation, I felt affirmed that the work I am doing on the inside is the work I will demonstrate on the outside. Love what you do. Love where you are. Love the people that you work with. Love yourself. It has taken some time to get here but I think I’m here. I have changed my name on all of my social media feeds and two website platforms I moderate and contribute with a weekly blog post.

I am returning home… to “Dr. Christine Ho”… and I feel good about that. It’s who I am. It’s who I am meant to be. My kid is graduating from university with her undergraduate degree in May 2026 and I feel that both of us are embarking on a new chapter in life. I am super excited for her, but I am also super excited for me. So, I am engaged in transformation and changing my name back to the one I started with. I have not yet embraced my first name, “Alice,” but I love how the Italians say my name and have softened to those who call me Alice because it’s my official first name. That’s another hurdle, but for now “Dr. Christine Ho” is great and I am looking forward to this new chapter with my identity and name.

April 5, 2026 – Sick Again

I did not realize that my voice is integral to my occupation until I lost my voice this week and I had to teach my Thursday online night class without my voice. I managed to teach the class using the chat function, an established instructional routine, and YouTube videos on leadership. The course is about school based teams and I took a leadership approach to the course (i.e., how to run an effective, goal-oriented, collaborative team meeting). I was not sure how the course would go, but I feel that we have the right mix of students and expertise to make the most of the course content as it relates to our current positions in K-12 school. I think the highlight of my class last week was: “I did not realize how important leadership is.” BINGO. Love that!!! Leadership is everything. I am not referring to the organizational leadership per se, even though they are very important, but we are all leaders in some way in the work that we do. To end my class that way was amazing, and I am grateful for this class for adapting.

The term is almost ending… I am sick (again), and I have lost my voice. I think I caught “whatever” on the weekend and it hit full manifestation on Tuesday night mid-class. It was horrible. I managed to get myself home, and I was grateful that most of my work could be done at home on Wednesday and Thursday, with a long weekend on the horizon. After that night class, I was very intentional not to work that evening, or on Good Friday, and on “be a person day” (i.e., Saturday). Now that it’s Sunday, I had hoped THE SICK would have ceased and my voice would be back. NOPE. I am sadly mistaken. Whoa. I am left reflecting. I take my voice for granted… my health for granted… and my living situation for granted. Although I have managed to get through my class last week without talking, but what about my upcoming class on Tuesday? Thank goodness I’m not teaching on Monday. That would have been a full day needing to talk… and I can’t.

Maybe losing my voice is a metaphor. What if something is no longer… can you still survive? Can you still do what you want to do? Are you able to adapt? I am coming to terms with the idea that talking is critical to teaching. I lost my voice on Wednesday night and now it’s Sunday. I am so grateful to teach my online class safely from home and without having my voice. The students were brilliant. I am really hoping that my voice comes back for Tuesday. It will be my last class with this group and also on Thursday with my night class. Worst case, I will adapt. Best case, I will adapt. But, I think it’s more than that. What if I “lose my voice” in the metaphorical sense. I would hate that. I am so grateful that I’ve said that because it’s a lesson my mom was trying to teach me, even on her last day.

Much like the image of my cat above… one the one hand, I’m hiding from the world and looking out the window because I’m sick. I am isolated from the world. On the other hand, I am hiding from the world and looking out the window because I am scared, unsure, and not confident. Wow. That sounds weird, but it’s true with respect to my voice as a writer and researcher. I know that I blog as a means to reflect on my practice and practice writing (as thinking), but I am really holding myself back. I chose and watched a video with my night class about effective teams and in one video, it spoke about one person who did not trust others (or themselves, I would guess). They were the limiting factor to the team. People did not feel safe in their company, thus the TEAM was a group.

I am left thinking about TRUST, freedom, and voice. It’s trust in oneself. Despite all of what life provided to get to a point where trusting oneself is not safe, then no one can be perceived as safe. Asking for help would be almost impossible. Accepting feedback would be dangerous. Making yourself vulnerable would be unfathomable. How does one liberate themselves from this self-oppression? I am brought to Brene Brown’s work and the 10 thousand pound shield. Yes, the shield protects, but it also hides. You cannot numb the hurt and be open to joy. Trust is key. Trust in oneself. Set backs or mistakes are opportunities to learn. Losing my voice is an incredible metaphor for learning. Adapt. Make things happen. Persevere. Learn. Be humble. Trust. Love. Be vulnerable. I can do this.