June 1, 2024 – Tracking Phone Use Time

As mentioned in my previous blog post, I said goodbye to Twitter (metaphorically), reached a level of acceptance of no longer having an active PLN on social media, and made a commitment to detox myself from my phone use/addiction. I am following the steps as mentioned in the Guardian via Makari Espe’s YouTube post. I am engaging in Week 1 of this liberating adventure to get to things that are more important for me to spend my time and be more productive in the things that I do. And, I’m surprised that I made it this far into this 3-week challenge. Feels good.

I invited a friend (aka., my kid) to participate. Although she is interested and feels the same way as I do, she is not prepared to embark on this 3-week digital detox. No worries. The kid remains my accountability partner and I can share my success or failures with her as I learn how to step away from my smartphone (as if it was a security blanket). As you can see in the image above, I bought an alarm clock. It uses an AA-battery and tick-tocks loudly to let me know of its presence. I don’t mind that. The clock I had before had LED lighting. It was way too bright for me.

Although I can’t take a photo of my photo of my phone to show the speed bump I have chosen to utilize. I put a hair tie that my kid got for me a few days ago (for my hair) but I wrapped it around my phone. It’s brilliant. I thought it was to serve as a reminder, but really it’s a pain in the butt (meaning, you have to move the hair tie to see the screen). It’s awesome because it’s such a burden. I found myself with the hair tie around my fingers when I found myself in a death-scroll. Shocking, I know. The hair tie is not coming off. An interesting game, but it keeps me off my phone.

Calculating screen time is going to take me some time to figure out like they did on the video. The looked at their overall screen time and subtracted Apps that made them happy, so that time spent does not count in the overall screen time. I want to exclude Netflix (to binge on Bridgerton and Somebody Feed Phil), iTunes (for walking and car tunes), and the phone, FaceTime, and texting. My biggest time suck was Facebook (i.e., reels… aka., the app that enables the death-scroll). It was good to take a closer look at the numbers as evidence of my phone use (or misuse… LOL).

The goals I’ve set for myself needs to be goals I really, really want to do in lieu of phone time. I can put a lot of things down that “I should do” but what do I really want to do? I’m also a person of THREES. So, not too many goals that I get too distracted or overwhelmed by what my goals can/could be. My 3-goals meandered over time, but I’ve landed with these 3-goals: reading, writing, and walking. I also had cooking at home and being present listed, but these two goals are ongoing anyway, so why not focus on three goals that are activities I want to do more of.

THE RESULTS:

I never thought that I could do this… and this is week one. Although this day is not quite over, so the results will be somewhat skewed, my screen time decreased by 49% at an average of 2h 31min. Weirdly, this average includes last Sunday, which was the day I said goodbye to Twitter (even though I still post on the app) and decided to do a phone detox. Last Sunday, my screen time was 6h 1min (3h 38 min on social, 1h 7 min on entertainment, and 22 minutes on utilities). Today, my screen time is 1h 35 min (59 min social, 18 min creativity, and 7 min productivity). And, this week was convocation and Walk PG (aka., lots of pictures and posts).

Unlike the video, I have not figured out to calculate my screen time minus the apps that brings me happiness (i.e., photo, Netflix, Spotify, Kindle, audiobook, health). That said, my numbers are down. I am super happy. I do find myself attaching to my phone from time to time but now I notice (and can put my phone down). I am reading and writing a bit more. Walking, on the other hand, is a goal in progress. I look forward to jumping into Week 2: (1) delete apps, (2) turn off notifications; and (3) no phone in bedroom. What would my numbers look like next week? I have already deleted some apps and turned off notifications, but I will take it further.

I will start Week 2 tomorrow so that I don’t have “Sunday” to offset my week’s average. I am still learning what it means to be off my phone. I can see its benefits. I am more present and productive. I feel that having my phone out of my bedroom will be a game changer. My phone is/was often the first and last thing I would do each day, engaging in death-scrolling. As much as I like what I see, it don’t need to see it everyday and for hours each day. It’s almost better to take a nap or cook dinner. I took a book of my shelf and started reading it “leisurely.” I’m enjoying that. Truthfully, I’m finding my phone kind of distracting. LOL. Let’s see how this goes.

May 26, 2024 – Missing the Twitter

As I am travelling through this life and learning its ups and downs, I am slowly but surely coming to terms with the loss of Twitter and my professional learning community. What are the stages of grief? They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. On reflection, I think I have arrived to acceptance.

In the middle of today’s death-scroll, I realized that I was looking for something that’s no longer there. I’ve been death-scrolling for awhile and never understood what I was looking for. Sadly, I was looking for me people. Pre-pandemic and beyond, social media was on the rise and educators were finding ways to connect.

At first, I joined Facebook (because I’m an old person… LOL) and then Twitter. It took awhile to join Instagram (I still don’t get it) and LinkedIN (not my personal favourite). SnapChat was questionable. I joined and quit that nonsense. BeReal is something my kid is on. I don’t get that even more!! And, I blog… a lot. I like it.

Anyway, I used to be part of a BC Education moderator group called #bcedchat. We focused on professional development and engagement every Sunday night at 7pm PST for one-hour a week. Our moderation team grew from 4-people (started from the 2 founders) to 10-people. We were a community within a community.

With the pandemic and the need to “get away” from technology and social media, #bcedchat eroded over time and is no longer. We ended #bcedchat when we returned to schools (after a horrid stint of remote/online learning). The learning community was broken and engagement low. Ending #bcedchat was inevitable.

Furthermore, Twitter took on a new ownership and branding. Folks online were not as collegial or friendly as they once were. The platform became more political and “unsafe.” Lots of my Twitter edu-friends left the platform. I wanted to a few times. From denial, anger, to bargaining, I stayed on Twitter/X doing #patiopics.

For some reason, I thought that I could maintain the feeling of my community by participating on this medium in this way. It’s not quite the same and I often found that the weekly edu-chat on Sundays would lift me up and give me the fuel to move on with the week. With that absent as well as the community, who’s there?

Admittedly, I met a tonne of edu-folks on Twitter. I met many people online from BC Education and beyond. It was weird to meet people in-person at professional development events as it created some social awkwardness . You know these folks from Twitter. That said, in-person conversations were more rich and meaningful.

Much like many things in the last 5-years, it’s about goodbyes and transitions. The death-scroll may equate to the depression stage of this long goodbye from my Twitter online professional learning community, but I think I am ready to move onto the next step on my social media and online existence. I love this video below.

Ironically, I am friends with (aka., social media connected to) her parents and her mom posted this video onto her Facebook site. I could not help myself to watch it and thus share in today’s blog post. I watched this video a few times as I was trying to woo myself a life towards an existence away from my phone and social media.

The video speaks about using the phone as a tool and in doing so improve mental health. Yes… this makes sense to me. I think for the next few weeks, I will attempt the changes proposed in this video (and the Guardian) about reducing my phone use because whatever I am looking for from my online crew is no longer there.

I accept this truth. I am also aware of my phone use and how time can be better spent on other things. I do like the blogging and weekly reflection. Tech use in this way will remain in my way of being. I started blogging to practice my writing skills but also it serves an opportunity to reflect, learn, and think. I do like doing this!!

Goodbye Twitter.

Hello to Week 1… (1) invite a friend; (2) get an alarm clock; (3) create a speed bump; (4) calculate screen time; and (5) set goals. Although I will not be documenting the experience via vlog as Makari did in her YouTube account, but I will blog about this three week experience to transform my phone use over time.

May 21, 2024 – My Research Program

With each day, I am learning how to let go of those lingering ideas of what “I have to do” and allow warm thoughts of what “I want to do” in my research program. I am reflecting on many conversations I’ve had with many of my mentors. Sadly, I had many folks wanting the best for me, but in the end, I have to want it for myself. This lesson alone was difficult to learn. I have been “should’ing” myself for many years, I did not have a good sense of what I really wanted to do and what was important to me. I have a whole series of blog posts during the pandemic trying to unpack what was important to me, but from the kindness of one of my critical friends almost a year ago (right before my car accident on BC day weekend) said that I did not figure out what was important to me. She asked, what’s important?

I was dumbfounded, but truth, I was trapped by the ongoing mantra to self of what others expect from me and not really addressing what I wanted for myself. I will say, I did not FAIL at what I wanted for myself (meaning, I got my doctorate), but once I achieved this moment, I’ve been floundering somewhat ever since. As a child, I remember writing on piece of paper “Dr. Christine Ho, B.Sc, M.Sc, PhD.” Well, I did not take that exact route, but the intent was ultimately achieved. I should be proud of that achievement… and I am. However, when you hear that achieving goals don’t make you HAPPY, I can honestly say, that is so true. What a false belief and I’ve set plenty of other “goals” and never achieved happiness. This year, my #OneWord2024 is HAPPY. Today, I am learning something different.

It’s the journey that matters. Maybe I was onto something prior to the pandemic when I had a blog series titled my #pedagogical journey. I was in a tailspin after I left teaching in K-12 schools. I spent many years “casting out seeds” and seeing what would catch. What fed my spirit and soul was TEACHING and I got to do that at the university in teacher education, a place I never thought I would be. Moreover, I never thought I would be here, living in northern BC (once again) and venturing through life (alone) with my kid. In the end, I never felt more liberated. There has been up and downs, but I believe much of that involved me resisting or denying the path I need (or should) take to fulfil my purpose (or research program). My research program involves identity, belonging, culture, and my ethnic identity.

Let’s return to the image above, that is, an image of beading I learned during the pandemic from the UBC Indigenous Math Network’s Community Beading Project with Nico Williams. We learned how to bead in community online via Zoom. Luckily, at the time, a friend of mine was also taking the workshop series and we had the opportunity to learn with and from each other. After the workshop series and submitting two of the “hyper-squares” to the project, I continued to practice beading since the workshop series so that I would not forget the patterning or technique shared with us using these beads. I made “hyper-triangle” with glass beads and tried other dimensions like 5- or 6-sides. I’ve learned 4-sides is ideal.

It’s been about over a year since I beaded in this way. Last term, I took a series of beading classes at the Two Rivers Art Gallery which uses different techniques to create different products. I wanted to return back to this beading because I wanted to ensure that I could remember how to do this technique shared by Nico Williams. At first, I could not remember. I was doing it wrong and had to “let it go” and go to bed to try again the next day. The wonders of the brain… and I jumped in and figured out the pattern after looking at one of my other pieces I made prior. I had intended to make this hyper-square for someone important to me and chose the colours accordingly. I opted to mix two patterns, which is different from what I’ve done before, and not sure if it would work out. You don’t know unless you try.

One bead at a time, the project started to exceed my expectations. I started to see patterns and my intentions of creating a checkered pattern worked out too. AMAZING. It’s what I had wanted but unsure how I would make that pattern. Here it is (see below). I could not be happier. There were some obstacles in between, aside from the start of the beading process. The first being, I missed a bead somehow. The joys of beading (i.e., immediate feedback) and having to make a decision. I did not realize this error until I completed a row and noticed the error. Yup. The decision was made. Undo the row and redo. No hard feelings. Now I know and I made a point of being very intentional with what I was doing after completing each side. With beading you have to be 100% present (or else… LOL).

The second mishap was on another day of beading, I was not feeling well. I thought I could work on the beading, but not feeling well was not putting good intentions or feelings into the hyper-square. After a couple of beads, I put the work down, took some medication, and went to bed. Let it go. The next day (aka., today), I was able to complete the project with joy, happiness, and my health. What a wonderful lesson to learn. The beading did not go anywhere and I finished it on time (or in a timely manner). How is beading part of my research program? Beading reminds me of writing. It requires patience, thoughtfulness, presence, perseverance, creativity, love, joy, interest, intentionality, care, critical thinking, patterning, and so much more. During that beading workshop, one of the facilitators suggested that I write about my beading experience. I think I might in an autoethnography.

Returning to this beading brought me hope, joy, and what’s important to me. 🙂

May 14, 2024 – Outdoor Learning

I left my home on April 23, 2024 to attend the ABCDE Roundtable in Kelowna, BC. From there, I went to Vancouver to spend time visiting friends and family. I also took the time to visit places like the Vancouver Art Gallery, the Chinese-Canadian Museum, and the Chinatown Storytelling Centre to learn more about Indigenous weaving and Chinese history in BC to complement a book I was “reading” on audiobook, Real Americans. My research agenda has taken a dramatic turn to investigate my heritage and identity as a second-generation Chinese Canadian. Part of my research program is out-of-field teaching and leadership. For me, I am a member of a 6-member research team that is focused on Climate Education in Teacher Education. Here, I am interested in out-of-field teaching in climate education, professional learning experiences, and teacher leadership.

The research team have worked on the project for almost 2-years. We facilitated 8-workshops so far (aka., a workshop series of 4-sessions per year) and we are in the midst of completing a chapter for a book on teacher leadership, of which I am taking the lead on that task. I appreciate this research team for many reasons. First, I appreciate the collegiality and collaboration. Second, I appreciate what I am learning about the research process and participating when and where I can. Third, there is an ebb and tide to our workflow and we are seemingly managing to contribute in ways that works best for each of us. I have lots of gratitude and humility when working in this group. Understanding my positionality, value, and contribution is a foreign experience for me, but I am learning as I am doing.

Last weekend, the principal investigator of the research project and I went to Banff, AB to present our team’s research project at the National Outdoor Learning Conference from May 9-11, 2024. The venue at the Banff Centre was spectacular. I walked down to the city centre on May 8th before the conference had started. That was the only time I took to explore the place because I preferred spending my time at the Banff Centre to enjoy the quiet, the fresh air, and peacefulness of the place. I loved my room too. The bed (and desk) faced the window that perfectly framed a mountain (and the Northern Lights) in a beautiful and spectacular way. Why wouldn’t I want to spend my time in places where I could enjoy nature.

We presenting on May 11the. There were over 400 people attending the conference. The participants were K-12 educators, researchers, or folks from industry that focused on the outdoors and environmental education. I met people from across Canada and United States attending this conference. I was reminded of the importance of in-person conferences. I learn so much in sessions and during informal sessions, like at meal-times. Everyone at the conference seemed to be like-minded and driven to endorse, promote, and facilitate outdoor learning. The elder that greeted us each day was through provoking and seemed to be talking to me directly. I’m not sure how he did that. The keynote speakers were also compelling and one left me feeling seen. That person was a truth-teller and I appreciated their courage, insight, and frankness throughout their talk. Moreover, it aligned very much so to my autoethnography of being a Chinese Canadian.

Although I did feel like a person who was “out-of-field” at this conference, I did bump into a couple of people I know from BC and a couple of people approached me to introduce themselves to me because they know me from BC education. These interactions made me feel like that I was not 100% out of place. The conference attendees, presenters, and conference organizers were so welcoming, inclusive, and friendly. The conference started with folks asking if they could sit with me (as I sat at a table alone not certain of what to do) to ending the conference asking a person at the table if I could join them for the meal. The act of connecting with others and eating together was transformational over time for me. I started recognizing people and by the last day, folks who sat with me at dinner on the first day, sat with me for breakfast. That was a full circle experience.

Finally, as you can see in the image above and below, the views were spectacular. I was so lucky to see the Northern Lights in Banff, AB. I took so many photos. I was not sure if they were going come to where we were, but they did. I was lying in my shorts and sweatshirt (and dang, it was cold at 11pm), looking up from the amphitheatre with other folks from the conference ooo’ing and ahh’ing. I never seen the aurora borealis like this before. Maybe I’ve seen moments of green in past, but here, the lights were colourful and all around us. they lasted for quite some time. I had to get back to my room to prep for my conference presentation, which was the next morning. As you can see with the image below, that’s what I looked at when facing the audience of those attending our workshop. Gorgeous.

I am so proud of myself to take the time to travel, explore, and wonder… to be curious and courageous. These may be micro-steps for some, but it’s new territory for me. And by doing so, I am learning more about myself, my work, and my place. I am really indulging in my “non-teaching” term (my first one in 5-years) to embrace the opportunities to present at conferences, learn more about my research program and how the piece fit together, and write about what I am learning. I am very content with where I am and what I am able to do. I love my freedom, autonomy, and agency to make my life into what I want it to be. These images shared truly depict my gratitude and happiness for my work, place, and life.

May 4, 2024 – From Feelings to Knowing

On May 4th, I went to the Chinese Canadian Museum in Vancouver with my sister. I have shared a couple of photos that had a huge impact on me when looking at the feature exhibit, “The Paper Trail to the 1923 Chinese Exclusion Act.” Over the last few years, I am slowly but surely learning more about the history of the Chinese in Canada. Living in the north, I am aware of the railway, gold rush, and the canneries. I don’t know the history of Chinese Canadians in northern British Columbia that well, but I intend to learn more about it. If anything, I almost feel that I was part of the wake of this history being born and raised in Prince Rupert, BC as a second-generation Chinese Canadian. My parents and sister immigrated into Canada from Hong Kong in 1968. My parents did not talk much about this lived experience.

The Chinese Canadian Museum did an excellent job on displaying the artifacts of this horrific past. Knowing that there was a Chinese Exclusion Act implemented in 1923 and it was first implemented on July 1st Dominion Day (or Canada Day) (aka., the Day of Humiliation for Chinese Canadians). I had no idea. From 1885 to 1923, Chinese immigrants paid a head tax to come to Canada in search for a better life, while Canada was in search for labourers. “By 1923, the government of Canada had collected over $33 million in head tax.” The head tax started at $50 per person and inflated to $500. According to Google, $500 in 1923 equates to $9,075.33 in 2024. When the Chinese Exclusion Act was implemented (and head tax eliminated), every Chinese person, regardless of age, gender, and if they were born in Canada or not. Not registering risked being deported, fined, or detained. Moreover, spouses and children were restricted from immigrating into Canada.

Look at the image above. The header reads on that document, “Department of Immigration and Colonization – Chinese Immigration Services.” The intentionality behind that title from the Dominion of Canada is on the one hand, validating, and on the other hand, sickening. I am noticing within my own life that what I imagined in my own upbringing in my family as a second-generation Chinese Canadian was something that I’ve always denied but 100% aware of and often sensitive too. One day, it was demonstrated to me (and witnessed by others) that what I had felt and perceived as a child (and adult) was true. The reveal was initially shocking, over time the reveal was validating and solace-making. I could let those ideas go. Now, with the ideas of racism, unconscious bias, and lateral violence are also real.

Look at the image below. I’ve always hated the word “oriental” and now I see why. Being referred to as “Orientals of Canada” and the headline of the Victoria Daily Times that reads “Must Bar Oriental Completely to Save B.C. for White Race” is alarming and disarming to say the least. Only 100 years ago that tThe Chinese Immigration Act, 1923 (Chinese Exclusion Act) was introduced to Canada and repealed on May 14, 1947 after the second world war. “Asian immigration included spouses and unmarried children under 18 years old “Asian immigration was limited to spouses and unmarried children aged 18 or younger of men already living in Canada.” The age changed to under 25 years for dependents in 1955. It was only until 1967 when “overt racial restrictions were removed.” This policy change makes sense knowing that my parents immigrated to Canada in 1968.

My parents and sister (who was 2-years old at the time) immigrated into Canada on the point system. The points-based system was first implemented in 1967. As an adult, I understand now that my parents were my colonizers. They were only being obedient to Canadian policies and aimed to gain a better life in Canada. They wanted my siblings and I to be “Canadians.” My twin brother and I were born in 1970. We both don’t speak or understand Cantonese or have much understanding of Chinese culture. We grew up Canadian (based on my parents interpretation of what it meant to be Canadian). I realized this idea a handful of years ago as I am taking the time to unpack my ethnic identity, positionality, and my experiences.

My colleague and friend recommended a book to me, “Real Americans: A Novel” by Rachel Khong. I was so entranced by the book as many of the stories, albeit fiction, were very real to me. I understood the nuances portrayed in the book and that disconnection with oneself, culture, and language created high levels of uncertainty in addition to the lack of acknowledgement, stories, and connection with one’s parents who immigrated into the country. The Americanized character learned Chinese as an adult. I am/was very tempted to do the same so that I can gain a better understanding of myself, my parents, and my ethnic identity. Often, I feel lost, like this character and related to her story and journey through life.

May is Asian Heritage Month. The Chinese Canadian Museum and Chinatown Storytelling Centre offered another insight of Chinese immigrants and experience in Canada. I might go back to these places before I leave the Lower Mainland. I am compelled to learn more and be able to contextualize the experience for me as a second-generation Chinese Canadian. I also wonder why this Canadian history is so important to me as “child #3” versus my older siblings. I believe that we had different experiences growing up in Canada in my family that were impacted by the experiences endured by my parents. I am also curious about anti-Asian or anti-Chinese hate that continues to persist in Canada, in particular, after the pandemic.

Reference: https://parks.canada.ca/culture/designation/evenement-event/exclusion-chinois-chinese

April 29, 2024 – Intersecting Conversations

On my quest for being HAPPY (my one-word for 2024), I am finding myself more isolated, like being on an island, with my work. Admittedly, I am more HAPPY, but I found myself describing my work to another person who was getting to know me. I’m not sure why I was compelled to describe my work as if I was on an island, but I did. Slowly but surely I am forming this metaphorical island. I love my autonomy, agency, and independence. I also love, community, connection, and collaboration. In a way, I have both. I am learning how to develop my research agenda, but I am also working with others on other research projects and finding my community.

I have always enjoyed working with students and I have a community outside of he university. This year, I am no longer working in practicum. This is my sixth year working at the university and four of them I worked in practicum. This year has been a shift in my work with full intentions of being more focused on research. These are the choices I’ve made to make my work viable and sustainable. So, I continue to teach courses in the teacher education program in the first two terms but also teach courses in undergraduate and graduate studies. The rest is service and the exploration of a non-teaching term to write, research, and explore.

As you can see in the image, I am flying over Vancouver. I am visiting the Lower Mainland for a week or so as respite and writing retreat two re-navigate this change in my work. It’s a strange feeling to me. I teach a bit in each program, but I am not fully immersed in any of them. I need to take this time to fully immerse in my research program and give a fair chance to the notion of being a researcher. Throughout my career, I had always perceived myself to be an educator. Now, I am faced with the challenge of being a learner and researcher. I spend the last term wondering, reflecting, and being curious about my research and I’m ready to go.

The happenstance that just occurred recently was a visit with my sister. I just arrived in Vancouver and we went out to lunch. Over a yummy bowl of udon, we chatted about how things are going with work, life, and family. My sister started talking about her work and how she loves how to “build the plane while in flight.” Strangely, I love doing that too (if given the opportunity). I do that all the time in my teaching practice (i.e., new strategies, ideas, and content). It’s not perfect by any means, but I like the high stakes of working something out in real time. Then, my sister described how she is “on an island” at work. This resonated with me.

I shared with her with how I was feeling at work and I also swooped in my brother into the conversation. On reflection, we concluded that we are all on islands. Huh. We love our autonomy, agency, and independence. How we each arrived to our islands and now we maintain them are very different, as well as our contexts. That said, I’m feeling some solace thinking that me and my siblings operate in a similar way. I never thought that we did. I think my preference is not be on an island, but knowing that being on an island is a preference for others does bring me some solace. Delving into this on my own can be a bit daunting, but I am not alone. 🙂

April 21, 2024 – My Favourite Thing

There is nothing I love more than JAM. When people are doing what they love, I can’t help but be enamoured by what they are doing. One of my most favourite things to do is going to craft fairs, like Circle Craft in Vancouver, BC. Artists and folks who make things bring their craft to be adjudicated. If chosen, they have the opportunity to sell their craft at the fair. From there, thousands of people browse the stalls at the craft fair and attendees pick and choose what to buy of try. Wow. That takes such courage, love, and belief in one’s work. That JAM is so admirable.

Last night, I watched “Rube & Rake” at the Art Space above Books & Company. I got an invite from one of my former students, now colleague. One of the musical artists is her brother. The performance, sound, and storytelling were amazing and entertaining. I was so glad to get out last night to be with folks from Harwin Elementary school. We were just “being people” on “be a person day.” It was a good day to spend the day. I loved listening to the lyrics and the playfulness of the music. I did not know how much I enjoyed the banjo until last night. It was fun.

I am reminded about passion, love, and joy watching this performance. You have to do what you love. As mentioned in last night’s performance, there are ups and downs when pursuing what you love. You have to have hope and dreams. You also have to have folks around you who share the same (or similar) hopes and dreams. The performers spoke about playing together on the east coast for about 10 years, they released 2 albums, and there is one more album on the way. The hometown boy moved to Newfoundland 13 years ago. I can only image his reasons why.

When I have experiences like this, I am brought into reflection thinking about my path, decisions, and journey to where I am today. I love teaching. I’m not the “best” at it, but I do appreciate the learning process and I love interacting and supporting others on their pedagogical journey. I love the flexibility, autonomy, and agency in my work and I love that I get to create, imagine, and critically think and reflect about teaching, leadership, and learning in K-12 and higher education. What I am reminded of is, there is always ups and down, but focus on the JAM and the joy.

I am grateful to have this experience. I am reminded of my love for JAM and that I was giving the opportunity to witness JAM and the joy derived from it. There is not guilt, shame, or embarrassment. All I saw was pride, love, and respect. Even the former student’s and one band member’s mom and dad were there to witness as well. I was so moved by their attendance and the stories (and jokes) told. You have to do what you love and not worry about what other people think. I am brought back to “the perfect curling shot.” I felt it. I saw it. One can only celebrate.

April 14, 2024 – I am a slow reader.

Here is some beautiful irony… YOU TEACH WHO YOU ARE (Palmer, 1997). How my classes are recently designed is about knowing who you are. Self-knowledge. Regardless of what class I teach… assessment, numeracy, theory to practice, leadership, and intro. to education… I am always encouraging students to know who they are to understand their motivation, values, and beliefs. Guess what I am doing? I am in constant investigation of who I am as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian, educator, mother, sister, child, and friend. How to these roles and sense of self influence my values and beliefs as an educator, citizen, and human being?

I am brought to a few of life’s metaphors to make sense of the world and this journey into exploring the inner landscape of “Dr. Christine Ho Younghusband”… THE PERFECT CURLING SHOT, beading (or weaving), and the canoe experience. All three metaphors, manifested as lived experiences, each humble me to learn something about life and myself. I was just chatting with my supervisor and next steps in my research program. I was vulnerable and open to feedback. I was very appreciative of the conversation. It felt a moment of risk vs. reward. In the end, when you are open to the experience, the outcome will work out as intended.

Also, part of knowing they self, you need to know your strengths and stretches. In this stage of my pedagogical journey or third chapter of my life, I am continuously wondering how I want to spend my last years. What brings me joy? This year’s one-word is HAPPY. What I am learning is, this is one of my non-negotiable principles that will guide my decision-making and direction through life. What makes me happy? Does this make me feel happy? Am I happy? It seems to be serving an excellent litmus to who I want to move through the world… with joy… along with authenticity, wholeheartedness, and the simple things I love so much.

My strengths and deepest desire for self and others is community, connection, and collaboration. I love being with others. I am an extrovert. My stretch is reading and writing. LOL. What was I thinking? I’m in an occupation that is consumed by reading and writing. Academia. Hmm… this thought needs unpacking. I started blogging to build my confidence and competence in my writing. The unexpected consequence of the act of writing is that the writing process helps me to think. I also enjoy blogging because it feels like there is some “high stakes” in writing in a public blog. So, whatever I write or share must be something I am willing to share.

I would say that my confidence and competence for writing is much better. I love the weekly blog. I love to reflect on my learning. I have found the right pace for me to reflect on my practice and learning. I look forward to blogging and I am feeling like my next step is with academic writing. I’ve done some writing, but this term coming up, it will be time to dig in, jump in, and commit to following through. Thinking about this reminds me of the early beginnings of my dissertation and autodidactism. There is something about learning for and by yourself to succeed. Part of this learning methodology is also asking for informal help and guidance.

As you can see with the image above, it’s one of my pieces from one of the beading classes I took this term. I wanted to engage in something for myself. Beading has been a humbling and rewarding learning experience. I am likely going to write about it in parallel with what it’s like to write for academia. What I can say is, with each piece or project, I can see that I am getting a bit better at it and my skills will develop over time with deliberate practice. Now to my kryptonite…. reading. Now at the end of term, as much as I like my students to write, I have to read their work. I loved what I’ve read so far, but I’m a slow reader. That’s it. I’m slow at reading.

There… I’ve said it. That said, I’m slow at beading too. With deliberate practice, I will develop my reading skills over time. I wished that I had the joy of reading like many of my peers do, but it’s something that I am learning to love. I am a much better reader now than what I was when I was in K-12 or university. I just need to remember about “learning takes patience and time.” I will get to my reading and I can’t be so self-conscious or critical of my speed of reading and compare myself with others. I heard that by comparing yourself with others is one way to kill one’s joy. I can’t do that. And, I cannot worry about what others think. Just keep trying.

April 5, 2024 – WestCAST2024 Conference

Love it!! Just embrace what is. When students take a photo of you (in action). Just reached the end of the WestCAST2024 Conference in Calgary, AB with the University of Calgary Werklund School of Education. It was a small conference, but the first step to in-person gatherings with teacher candidates, graduate students, and teacher educators. As you can see from the image, I presented at the conference on behalf of the research team I am a co-investigator with on the Climate Education in Teacher Education (CETE) in northern BC. What I loved the most about this conference was to work with four teacher candidates (aka. curling team) from my program to help them plan, prep, and present for this conference.

The group of teacher candidates who went to WestCAST2024 to present were AMAZING!! We spent many hours dialoguing about their presentation and it evolved into a lesson study and something worthwhile to share with others. And so they did. I can only imagine how many hours they spent as a curling team to collaborate and create content for their presentation. They were meticulous. The presentation had two parts: (1) an indoor PowerPoint presentation that spoke to BC’s Curriculum (i.e., Core Competencies), First Peoples Principles of Learning, and wellness; (2) going outside to facilitate a sit spot lesson plan they each did during their practicum as a lesson study that tested their hypothesis on wellness.

We bounced many ideas, used various resources, and developed an outline that captured their intention and interest. They rehearsed, got formative feedback (from me), and made appropriate revisions where it was needed. Despite the snow and a bit of nerves, they presented as if they were experts in the work they created. The learning intention was clear and the workshop was seamless. They got lots of interest at the end of the workshop (from those who stayed until the end) and got lots of positive feedback such that some participants will take on the challenge of the lesson study, reach out to ask for the lesson plan or PowerPoint, or contact them to engage in further discussion on topic of wellness and learning with and from the land. Their workshop was extremely effective and engaging.

Back to my presentation, I opted to springboard off the presentation that preceded me on Climate Action. It was an inquiry project done by a teacher candidate from another university in BC. Their inquiry was completely aligned to the CETE research project and so I opted to read a few parts that I needed the exact quote or idea, then I referred the PowerPoint and previous presenter. I was more myself and did not feel limited to the speaking notes created for the presentation. That said, all speaking notes were achieved during my presentation, but our project just seemed to connect to the Climate Action presentation. It was almost like it was an exemplar of one of the outcomes we hope for in our project.

It’s so great to teach and learn with teacher candidates. In this case, we were working with teacher candidates and teacher educators from teacher education programs from western Canada. It was an awesome opportunity to coach the teacher candidates from my program and to see them present a topic that was meaningful to them, but also it became meaningful to others. That’s how you impact others to create change in their practice and pedagogy. In the end, it’s the wholeheartedness and passion behind the project that made it so meaningful. This foursome was an excellent “curling team” with different strengths and points of view that were cohesive, coherent, and collegial. I am grateful to work with this crew and I feel hearted by the quality of these future educators in K-12 schools.

March 31, 2024 – Easter Long Weekend

There is nothing I find more anxiety inducing than course evaluations. We are not required to do them since the pandemic, but I was encouraged by the Chair to return to this practice for feedback on my teaching and gather evidence on the quality of my teaching. Another option I could participate in is peer-evaluation but I opted to giving a survey to my students on my last day of classes. I have also informally asked a few recent graduates who I supervised during long practicum if they are willing to write letters of reference about my teaching and mentorship.

The more that I am transitioning to be more of myself (and be myself), the more open I am to receiving this feedback. I’ve had some traumatizing events that has happened to me with course evaluations and how higher education is dependent on the opinion of others. There is a fine balance between being your authentic self and the judgement of others. I could critically reflect on this experience as the opportunity to differentiate between GROWTH MINDSET and FIXED MINDSET. The fixed mindset tends to be performative and growth mindset about learning.

Learning requires one to be vulnerable. Like teaching, learning is a vulnerable act. With vulnerability, expect moments to be knocked down. I’m not saying expect the worst, but what I am saying is, “the perfect curling shot” does not happen all of the time. The goal is to be consistent and make the most of a given situation. Don’t dwell on the missed shot. The missed shot or lost game do not define who you are “as a curler.” As the Canadian women’s world curling champions said throughout the tournament, they focused on the learning as their strategy for the next game.

That curling team always said they had fun on the ice. I love that. They are engaged in high performance curling and they are having fun. Truth. They are focused on one shot at a time. They lost their last game in the round robin, but they did not let that loss negatively impact their mindset or performance. They had the self-confidence and sense of self-worth to just bounce back. They ended up playing that team in the semi-finals and won that game and the finals. Not to drift into a tangent about curling, but what I am saying is, feedback and learning are key!!

Be open. Be kind. Be compassionate. These three axioms are not just to others but also to oneself. I had an awesome term with my classes this term. They were not “perfect” classes, but I was learning and trying my best given the circumstances. That’s all I can ask for from myself. I can’t dwell on my mistakes or missteps, but I can reflect on these experiences, good or bad, and learn from those experiences to do better next time. I have one more class next Monday for EDUC 201 online. Then, it’s will be a week or so of marking and feedback. The term is almost over.

The term ended somewhat abruptly soon after practicum and reading break. I wish all of the students in my classes the best and happy Easter long weekend. I’m looking forward to going to Calgary, AB to present at WestCAST 2024 at the University of Calgary and support a group of teacher candidates who are also presenting at this conference next week. Take it one day at a time. Be present. Focus on being consistent, executing the perfect curling shot, learn from my mistakes, seek help from others, work together as a team, and have fun!! 🙂