Category: Uncategorised (Page 7 of 12)

November 17, 2023 – Finding Direction

Oh my goodness… I am so grateful today. There is nothing better than someone wanting to and willing to provide some mentorship for the betterment of YOU. It’s amazing to me. The generosity and kindness afforded are unfathomable. I have support from others here and there, but to have someone who I feel like I can be vulnerable with in terms of my work and thinking without conflict of interest or feelings of obligations is amazing. I almost feel that this relationship has been serendipitous and I feel validated and seen with what I need/want to do next.

I am speaking strictly about my career in academia. It’s something that I’ve entered in professionally only a handful of years ago and I floated around for about 8-years before that (aka. an interesting and bewildering career move) and had a fruitful but conflicting career in K-12 education as a high school math teacher. When I look back, everything that I have done in past has been integral to who I am today, but I am baffled as to how I got here and where I want to go to next. What I learned today is, how do I want the next 10-years look to like?

Gosh… planning… LOL. It’s not my strength. My twin-brother got that superpower. Whew… he’s a planner. As for me, I am challenged (again) with grappling with what I want to do as a 5-year plan and then 10-year plan. This call to action (or at least reflection) is career-oriented, but my personal life and wants are also part of the equation. Saying that, my personal life and wants are also integral to my research. I am 100% sure that I do enjoy teaching and learning and that my research agenda is focused on the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (SoTL). That’s exciting!!

After my conversation today, I have identified my research focus to build my research program on. THAT WAS AMAZING!!! I had some idea of what I wanted to pursue my research agenda on, but I am so muddled in the duty to service. That’s another thing I need to work on (and possibly another blog post). I am learning what it means to be “selfish” (i.e., service to myself and my work) in academia and realizing that my work is important too. This realization has taken some time… in addition to the importance of REST and to resist the “hustle.”

It’s great to have someone who is a mentor/coach and knows the “business” but has no self-interest in helping except for the intrinsic good of helping someone relatively new to the business. For that, I am grateful. I am also grateful for the feedback, the personal narratives, and emotional responses to help me to truly understand the direction I am heading. I AM SUPER EXCITED. I have no words. To know that I can pursue a research program that is dramatically different from my dissertation and truly meaningful to me personally and professionally is a gift.

I would often use the work PIVOT in my practice to help teacher candidates know that when you make a plan or anticipate how the lesson or unit may go, it’s ok to change your mind in the moment. Well, here I am. I am pivoting and I can’t wait. Yes, some things will take some time to transition away from or to re-navigate, but I feel super stoked about taking the next steps in my research program (with the little time I have in my work day) to pursue something that is meaningful for me. Hopefully my work will be meaningful to others, but for now, the focus is on me.

Again, I believe that everything that has happened in this meandering pedagogical journey was meant to happen the way it has to get to where I am today. I feel very privileged to have people around me to help me along the way to figure out what is really important to me (without the feelings of “I should…” or being worried about what others think or do). What I am most excited about is to learn more about my mom, her story, and thus my story as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian. I never thought I would have a career writing… nor in history either… but here I am.

November 10, 2023 – Field Trips with Candidates

I’ve asked the EDUC 405 students to write a blog post on the field trips we are taking during our class. Last month we went to the Prince George Public Library and this month we went to the Two Rivers Art Gallery. I loved going to both places with this crew and the learning intention with each of these community based learning experiences is content creation for their e-Portfolios through blogging, to think about how these places can support their practice, and to consider how these places can be part of their students in K-12 learning experiences. I believe going on field trips, including going outside, must have a clear learning intention.

The public library trip also included a follow-up learning activity for EDUC 394 regarding lesson planning, BC’s Curriculum, and (adapted) lesson plan template. We iterated this lesson plan from a collaborative lesson planning experience to an individual one, then with a self/peer assessment process that resembles BC’s new Student Reporting Policy and creating an assessment plan for the lesson plan. I love making these learning experience attach to the learning intention/target and for each student to sense-make through theory and policy with experiences. I’ve been appreciating the idea of community based learning. Learning is not isolated to a classroom or book, but the community offers lots of expertise and resources.

We visited the “Nonreturnables” and the “Dismantled Worlds” exhibits at the Two Rivers Art Gallery which focused on climate anxiety and climate crisis. I thought it was so amazing for me as someone who is trying to learn more about the issues in another project I’m working on, but the context was very inclusive to the K-12 teacher candidates in all subject areas and interests. I was very pleased with the tour, the experience, and the learning. I also appreciated the post-tour creative session. I am learning more about my creativity and it makes me happy to try each time. It’s getting easier and I have a tonne of fun with with… now. It was good to experience that as well as reconnecting with the gallery. It’s my favourite place.

Similarly, going to the Prince George Public Library (PGPL) is always awesome. I learn something new each time I go. This field trip was my third time visiting and I did not realize that they set out books for book clubs. What a genius idea. I am also enamoured by the place and its openness. The final appeal is the ukulele group. Anyway, I appreciate all of the resources at the public library and the services they offer to K-12 schools. I love the idea of all people have the right to read and the strong endorsement to have K-12 students to get their library card. We did the same endorsement with the teacher candidates. I was very pleased with this trip.

If I do my deepest reflection and gratitude, much of this work started with teacher candidates I was working with in EDUC 491 a couple of years ago when the course subdivided into small working groups. My crew was amazing and so willing to try new things in preparation for their 10-week practicum. They helped me to take risks and try new things such as community based learning experiences. That crew helped me to find the courage to do something different and be OK with that. I have only good feelings for that crew. They offered much feedback and created a learning community that was inclusive, caring, and respectful. I felt so lucky.

I am reminded of the brilliance of my practice and I am learning more and more about what it means to be a learner, deliberate practice, and intentionality. TY.

November 5, 2023 – The Little Things

There is nothing I like more than slowing down. I am learning each day how to do that even though the last few weeks have felt like mayhem. I am not sure if the mayhem has ended but I am taking the time to slow down because that’s what I need. I am learning to be ok with this need to slow down. As my kid would say, I’m a TIME SUCK. Truth… I am savouring time. I love to take my time and be intentional with my actions. I’ve gone through most of my life not doing this and thinking that it was expected of me to in “the race” or I would sometimes call “the hustle.”

Weirdly, I situate myself in this situation, especially as an “academic-wannabe” in higher education. I’m not sure what I am trying to prove and to whom, but now I understand that the person I need to impress and belong to is ME. I had it wrong all along and now I am learning how to make my own path through life and work. I am so grateful to my classes in the last few years for walking beside me during this journey of self-discovery. If I’m really honest with myself, I’ve been on this journey for a long time. I’m just turning the corner… I am moving closer to being human.

It’s been an incredible journey over the last two years, in my practice and life. I’m not even sure why I am separating the two… they are the same thing… it’s just me. Anyway, I’ve been working on my pedagogy and just the other day (November 2) was the first time I felt like my teaching and classroom dynamics felt just as good as it was when I was teaching high school mathematics in public schools. I feel like the two teaching experiences re-connected. That only took 15-years to get here. I was so pleased students took control of their learning in my Thursday’s class.

I am making connections everyday and I am so grateful for the lessons I learn from my friends, colleagues, students… and the kid. Ever since my car accident in the summer, I was trying to operate from a YOLO-mindset and not sweat the little things. I realized that everythingI thought was important was not important. So what is important? It’s me. I don’t say this as if I was a narcissist, but the opposite. What my learning journey is guiding me to is being more attuned to myself, my needs, and my value. I’m important and that’s not a bad thing. I can do what I love.

Hence the image above of my nephew-dog. Do what you love. Enjoy. Savour. I love to teach. I love to learn. I love doing things that I love to do… like sleeping in Saturday mornings, watching Hallmark movies, curling on Friday nights, eating a big breakfast at a hotel restaurant, eating dumplings and yummy congee, being with my family and kid, spending time with friends, collaborating with colleagues, going to craft fairs, loving my mom, and writing and reflecting on my practice. I’m sure there are more things like drinking coffee and eating a bag of chips. LOL.

OK. I can’t forget about my Squishmellow Collection (and Croc footwear). That’s something about me and what I love. I am learning to worry more about what I think and not what others think. As difficult as that can (or could) be, especially in my work, what matters most are my values. Like Kon Mari, does it bring me joy? Cam the Squishmellow brings me joy… along with his other friends at my home. Admittedly, there has been obstacles, struggles, and experiences I wished never happened. But, I do have a lot of joy, wonder, and happiness. Just live your life!!

October 27, 2023 – Finding My Direction

Finally… a slow day. I need one to ground myself, rest, and move at my pace. It feels great. As a consequence, I thought that this would be a perfect time to make a blog post. Often when I write, I have to be in the right place, in mind, body, and spirit. I am in the right place, so here I am. For the last 2-3 weeks, I’ve been in a work-life hustle and this way of being is only enhanced by not having a car during practicum. I am not complaining, but I am more aware of my gratitude and love for people. I would like to share some of my gratitude before I write about my curiosities.

First, I am so grateful for my friend who lent me her car for a week. Honestly, it’s been a brilliant 7-days having her car. She was my last resort. There were no cars to rent, a taxi would have been reasonable, and there is no bus heading out to this practicum placement. I made a cold call before throwing in the white towel and my friend made it possible for me. I went food shopping and recycled, drove my kid to school and work, and used her vehicle to do my job for practicum. AMAZING!! I did not realize how much I do with my car, but I am also grateful for my friend.

Second, I just came from an in-person meeting this morning with a colleague and mentor. I am so grateful for this person to carve out the time for me. How we first met was serendipitous and since then this relationship has only been supportive, kind, and respectful. I feel so reassured by this person’s willingness to listen, give honest feedback, and encouragement to grow and develop. I even slept for 11-hours last night to catch up on my sleep but also to have a meaningful meeting. I wanted to be present and cognitively aware of our conversation. It went great!!

Finally, my students in all of my classes are awesome. They are very forgiving, but also engaging, wonderful, and thought provoking. What more can I ask for? I just love being with those in my undergraduate and graduate classes. Being with them makes me realize that I am doing what I am meant to do, but also where I would like to be. That said, I am very aware of my place in the institution and I have to be very mindful of my next steps. In the meantime, I will enjoy what I am doing. My mind is more open and I am grateful to have a job where I am able to learn more.

I am not lost on the irony or coincidence of my sense of direction, in life, in Italy, and in general… LOL. Although I started the blog post with much gratitude to my friend, colleague, and students, I am brought back to a some learning that is lingering for me as self-assessment and professional learning. I am so struck by the idea of the importance of spatial reasoning for early learners. My twin brother and I took most of our elementary classes separately during K-7 and part of 8-12. He LOVES maps and has an excellence sense of direction and I have NOTHING.

If my friends could keep me on a leash in Italy, the might have strongly considered it. I would get easily lost and disoriented. I embraced my lack of sense of direction as a traveller and I am very grateful for technology and iMaps, I am coming to the realization this phenomena is much more than just not being able to navigate well. I just looked at spatial reasoning test online. I could not do it (at least, not in my head). Finally, reading be an issue and who knows what else, it makes me wonder. How much does my spatial reasoning development impacts my way of being?

I am convinced about the importance of spatial reasoning for reading and other cognitive skills and sense of space and place. I am curious if this reasoning is underdeveloped for me and how I can work on it. During the BCAMT conference, it seemed like it is something that one can develop and I am truly inspired to learn more about in preparation for the numeracy course I’m teaching next term. I am also reminded to complete an ethics application on a self-study. I’m inspired. There is always the work-hustle, but I’m reminded that part of this journey is for me too.

October 22, 2023 – Returning Home

Oh my… I learned a tonne. There is nothing more I love to do is to learn. I don’t consider myself to be an expert, which may seem counterintuitive in my work. I find that the more that I learn, I realize that there is a tonne I don’t know. I love that despite the idea that I am working on my research program and expertise. Learning is the underpinning of what I do and what I love to do. I won’t deny that.

Friday, October 20th was the Provincial Professional Development Day in BC. I was presenting at the BCAccess & BC People First AdvoCon2023 Conference on Saturday through my work with IPE/BC on Saturday and I was very intentional about going to a provincial conference for my learning. I did not want to present. I wanted to be the learner and enjoy the conference. I chose to go to BCAMT.

BCAMT is the BC Association of Mathematics Teachers and the Fall Conference 2023 was held in Surrey, BC at Gilford Park Secondary School. Next term I am going to teach the Numeracy portion of the EDUC 400 course to elementary education teacher candidates and wanted to learn more about it. I attended 3 workshops in K-7. Ahhh… I learned a tonne and loved every session I attended.

Whew. I walked away with a tonne of resources, ideas, and research supporting this work. I also learned something about myself and thinking about spatial reasoning and awareness. The more I listened to the speaker in one workshop, I realized that this was important to do with “the littles” but also it might have been something underdeveloped in me as a child, now adult. Numeracy is important.

I had a chance to see so many familiar faces from the Math Education world, but also meet new people. It was like a reunion. It was more like RETURNING HOME. Going to this conference was more about my professional learning, but it was also about connection and community. In a past life, I was a secondary mathematics teacher. At another conference, my fire was stoked. At BCAMT, it was reignited.

I am reminded how much I love teaching mathematics. I also love the leadership of folks presenting and running the conference. And, I appreciated the passion and deep desire to make mathematics accessible and enjoyable. This year’s theme for the conference was MATHEMATICS IS RELATIONAL. I could not agree more. We need to bring the humanity, relevance, and joy for mathematics back in schools.

Next term is going to be AMAZING. It will be the first time to teach this course (and might be my last time if the program updates and revises the program), but I am very stoked about delving in deeper to the idea of numeracy and professional development within the teacher education program and beyond. I am excited. I almost thought about pursuing an MSc or PhD degree in mathematics education.

That might be getting ahead of myself, but it might be a possibility. Who knows? What I do know is, being a part of professional development as a learner is a joy. My next step is to find some Cuisenaire Rods for my numeracy class as well as other manipulatives to engage in mathematics for elementary teachers that is fun, engaging, and meaningful. We teach how we learned. Damn. We will be learning.

October 15, 2023 – Shifting Body and Mind

Even with this weekly blog post, I have pivoted (i.e., overdue on writing my weekly blog and now it’s 1:51 am… I’ve just plowed through my emails, why not take a moment to catch up on my blogging). Pivoting is not just adapting to the situation in terms of shifting times or doing something different, but sometimes it’s about shifting your mindset. My class witnesses me pivot (often) with my teaching. Sometimes I adapt because we are taking more time than expected. Sometimes I change what we are learning in terms of sequence or approach. Other times, like last week, had to cancel my class and go asynchronous because I was out of town.

I am grateful that my class is pivoting with me and I hope I am modelling adaptive expertise. In class, I often speak of “Christine 1” who is “teacher Christine” and of “Christine 2” who is “Christine’s inner thoughts.” Sometimes “Christine 3” shows up unexpectedly who is “Christine on a soap box.” I have a few things that I am passionate about in education and sometimes it does get the best of me. In a way, I guess that I am also pivoting in these three mindsets, for example, in my class to reveal the front-stage of teaching, the back-stage of teaching, and my values. I will say, I am enjoying this year’s cohorts and teaching the combined group. It’s fun!!!

As mentioned, last week I went out of town to Brandon, MB to Brandon University to attend the 2023 Canadian Association for Teacher Education (CATE) Working Conference. The few days were filled with collaborative approaches and informative sessions to provide feedback on our writing about teacher leadership. When you receive formative feedback, you are pivoting… to consider new ideas, different thoughts and theories, and different authors to support your writing (or change it). I appreciated TEAM LIGHT GREEN. It was a diverse group but they had contributed a lot of great ideas and I hope I provided some for them as well.

I travelled to Brandon with my colleague to this event and together we toured the city. We visited the tourist bureau, the river, the buffalo jump, cemetery, and local cafe and shop. I bought a purse/bag and a pair of handmade moccasins. It was a good trip. I learned a lot and wished that higher education could be like this all of the time. I met some wonderful people whom I hope I stay in touch with or see again. On my way home, my kid called me at the airport. She screamed. Her car was vandalized. It was horrible. I could not do anything. Luckily, she called her friend and she helped along with her dad. I am so grateful for that along with a couple of other people who helped to move the car to the auto body shop.

Pivoting.

My spirit quickly shifted from joy to frustration. The mama-bear in me wanted to not do nice things to the people who were so cruel and malicious to do such a hateful and selfish act. I can attribute this horrible act to desperate times, but my kid did not have to be a victim or traumatized due to someone else’s greed. To top it off, my third flight out of three to return back home was delayed. I guess for a good reason. The de-icer was not working so we changed planes. Safety first. I was glad to make it home to see my kid and I am thankful to her friend who lent her car to my kid so that she could pick me up from the airport. Damn. My kid is strong.

My first instinct was to buy a place with a two-car garage. With a good night’s sleep, that thought shifted into reality. A long story made short, it was confirmed that my position at the university would not be permanent. In many ways I knew that (and my friends had also said that), but to have it verified brings a sense of calm knowing that my trajectory is heading elsewhere and to prepare for it. So, I’m not buy a place with a 2-car garage, but I will do my best to do the best I can do each day. Sometimes my best will vary from day to day, but I am trying my best. Admittedly, it’s another pivot and this redirection focuses on what’s best for me.

I am left with a reflective state of mind… hence the weekly blog. And it also comes from inspiration, meaning I was suppose to write this blog post at this very time. I am proud of what I have accomplished and that’s all that matters. I will continue to learn, connect with others, and have fun. I am driven to be happy and experience joy. I love the work that I do and the status, rank, or promotion is secondary. I hope my classes are enjoying the work that I am doing. It’s not perfect, but it is not meant to be perfect. It’s suppose to be messy and meandering. Pivoting is a way of being to ensure that I am nimble and reflexive to advance in the right direction.

October 8, 2023 – Gaining Perspective

What an incredible day!!! What an incredible week!!! What an incredible life!!

Sounds like I’m feeling INCREDIBLE… and I am. It’s nothing special or spectacular to make note of, but it’s the ordinary that I am celebrating. I am so grateful for the last week. I am approaching the end of my birthday week and I have nothing but gratitude. I just came back from a 2.5 hour session this afternoon and I have the clarity, courage, and will to move forward with my life and career. I am happy.

My kid started my birthday month a big birthday brunch at White Spot after we spent a few moments recognizing the National Day of Truth and Reconciliation downtown. The next day, my kid brought home my favourite meal from the Keg after work for me… fillet mignon, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus, and wedge salad. Dang. The best!!! This birthday meal lasted me 4-days. It was so delicious.

My birthday was Monday and we had classes at the university (because we took the statutory holiday on the Friday). I had a class Monday afternoon and I am so grateful for my colleague who was able to join my class to facilitate the blanket exercise. Apparently, I’m a “mild” European in the role play, which makes sense. I felt like I was trying to make sense of what I was doing. I’m glad it worked out.

My kid made my class cupcakes to celebrate my birthday, which I brought out during the break, but my class in turn surprised me with a card and birthday present. They got word that I am a Squishmellow fan (from one of my kid’s friends) and searched high and low for “Cam, the cat vampire” to no avail. So they ordered one from Amazon. I got this little Cam during Thursdays class. It made my day!!

The work week is incredibly busy. I have night classes on Tuesday and Wednesday. The work week ends with my Thursday morning class and the rest of my time is spent catching up, getting organized (i.e., catching up on emails) and slowing down. On Friday, one my friends underwent major surgery and I am so grateful that the operation was successful. My friend is now recovering. I am hoping for the best.

Friday concludes with a walk with another friend, a gorgeous fall day (see image above), and dinner out. We always have good conversations and she bought my dinner (for my birthday). The salmon was delicious. The next day, I went out for lunch with another friend. We pivoted and we brought our kids. Mine is 20 and hers is 3. LOL. We had a great conversation and my friend bought my lunch too.

That said, she had no idea that it was my birthday, but I must have been giving out birthday-vibes. My kid went to a local play with me, then makes dinner for us. Instead of a turkey, we had chicken with all if the fixings. It was an amazing meal. I spent the evening washing dishes and cleaning up here and there. I love taking my Saturdays to ground myself, to rest, and just be a person. This is a staple for me.

And here we are… one week later. I am reminded about “being human.” Life has ups and downs. The goal is to know who I am, what I value, and what’s important to me. There will always be unexpected moments, but I have the strength and capacity to PIVOT, adapt, and stay the course. I can’t protect myself from danger but I can find the courage to move forward and try. Yes!! I am always learning.

September 18, 2023 – SD57 Keynote Speaker

School District No. 57 (Prince George) was hosting the Indigenous Day of Learning on Monday, September 18, 2023 and my EDUC 405 class was at the same time as the keynote presentation. I may have been a bit of serendipity, but I wanted the class to watch the keynote. Although the keynote speaker, Dr. studentThis day was a non-instructional day and teacher candidates have the opportunity to participate. The keynote presentation was during my class time and I opted to have the EDUC 405 class and the keynote speaker, Dr. Niigaanwewidam James Sinclair, was speaking in-person at the hight school theatre, it was also available with online access via Zoom. At first, I wanted the students to come to the university, but then reconsidered and provided the class with choice. They could watch the keynote presentation in-person, online at home, or online in class. Of course, I assigned this keynote presentation as a blog entry for their portfolio.

I went to the university to provide space and place for students who wanted to come to class to watch the keynote presentation. A handful of students showed up in class and we amicably watched the keynote online. All I can say is, WOW. Niigaan was an amazing speaker. He is of mixed ancestry and he was able to eloquently balance two-eyed seeing to help us to understand the importance of truth and reconciliation. He started with describing his experience as a new teacher, the assignment to teach drama and coordinate the BIG school play, and how he had to collaborate with the local community to understand their culture and not appropriate the contents of the play. I loved the story and the eloquence of his storytelling. With this story and through the enlightenment from the students to do it right versus re-enacting the singing and dancing from the movie. The story was the invitation to his big message, if he can do it, we can do it too.

After this story, I took copious notes. He spoke about Indigenous Education and asked, “how do we do it now?” The then speaks about a tradition with young males and the making of fire. He started to describe that making the fire was not just about igniting the fire, but also building it, then maintaining it. It’s not just about the fire. I’ve used this metaphor a few times in my classes since. It was amazing and applicable to many situations, particularly in education. Then he asks, “how do we make a fire?” Such a good question. He then introduces the outline to his curriculum for Indigenous Education. It was a series of questions: (1) Who am I?
(2) Why am I here? (3) Who can help me? (4) Where am I going? This learning framework require healthy and sustainable relationships. It’s holistic and a lifelong process. The learning is formal and informal. He then goes to another metaphor of the tree and the impossibility to learn about Indigenous Education without understanding the roots of the tree. Niigaan speaks truth. I’m listening.

He also mentions a tradition with young women as well and the importance of community. Niigaan says that Indigenous Voices Matter in any subject area. He even attempted to provide a formula for success, not just success in schools, per se, but success for all students. He reminded us of the 4R’s of RESPONSIBILITY, RESPECT, RELEVANCE, and RELATIONSHIPS. I was so inspired by this keynote presentation. The way that Niigaan was able to interweave the western world’s way of being to what is really needed to address Indigenous Education in the classroom by wooing us with a story and concluding his message with the truth. For me, the building the fire story helped me to understand that it’s not just about starting the fire with a spark. There is work involved. Time and effort are needed. And the 4 questions provide a framework for curriculum. Regrettably, I was unable to attend his afternoon workshop that delves deeper into this curriculum, but I feel that my fire has started and it has been stoked. Let’s keep it burning.

September 29, 2023 – Acceptance

Oh my… like I always say… “everyday is a learning day.” Yesterday was no exception. This image is of my EDUC 394 class and we held our class at the Ceremonial Fire Circle with guest speaker Clayton Gauthier followed by the UHNBC Drummers. We just finished looking at the SD57 Special Report, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission Calls to Action in Education, and First Peoples Principles of Learning last week and this week we recognized National Truth and Reconciliation Day.

Although I had felt that I had organized what I needed to do for this fire circle, I did spend some time to ensure that the day would proceed in a good way. I got the moral and financial support from my program chair, I established permission from the Office of Indigenous Initiatives to use the Ceremonial Fire Circle yesterday, and I managed to book the fire circle and firewood despite my lack of timliness.

I feel very lucky.

I also feel very fortunate that both Clayton Gauthier and the UHNBC drummers were able to spend part of the morning with my class to share their story, drum, and sing songs. Students volunteered to build the fire and give gifts to our guests. Moreover, I collaborated with the Admin Assistant to ensure we had gifts to give for this special event. For that, I am also very grateful. I could not do this alone.

What I did not anticipate were the details and the unexpected. I woke up that morning with emails to address and a bus to catch (I still don’t have a car to drive since my accident). Emails always take longer than I think it would take to compose so I rushed out of my apartment with my coffee to catch the bus. Damn. It’s raining. I had time to have breakfast and definitely no time get an umbrella.

I got to the bus stop in time, but there was no bus. I thought the bus was delayed, but no… the bus schedule had changed. Huh. No worries, I’ll just write the cohorts that I will be a bit late to set up the fire and I will be there soon. I sent the email when I got on the bus, but the email immediately bounced back to let me know I had no access to the cohort email addresses. What could I do? Just let it go.

I finally arrived.

The bus arrived at the university and I shuffled quickly to the morning’s meeting place. I was about 10 minutes late and it was still raining. Anyway, the fire building crew were ready to go as well as other students in the class. The fire crew took the cart to build the fire and the students all arrived as well as the first guest speaker. I wanted to stay outside and thankfully the guest speaker wanted to be by the fire.

We gathered closely around the fire and Clayton spoke about understanding self, loving oneself, and accepting oneself. He said that we can’t give our power away. Things like worry, doubt, and judgement takes our power away. Once again, I felt like he was talking to me about. I was giving my power away as I thought that the day was not going the way I had planned. It was tough to let things go and allow.

I felt the whole morning was about surrender, but now I realized that it’s more about acceptance. The gift cards were not brought to the circle in time and I did not have the honorariums ready for that day. We ended earlier than expected and students went inside as we waited for the UHNBC Drummers to arrive. I was thankful to some indoor time for the class. I was feeling a bit sad about the rain.

The drummers arrived.

We took a group photo with the drummers and Clayton. I felt that was a good moment and the rain was lightening up. I was also grateful that the students returned and some other people joined the circle. Although the lead drummer was not able to join us, the folks did an excellent job leading the class through a handful of songs. I was grateful that they demonstrated learning and leading to the class.

In the end, as much as the details and weather were out of my control, the morning resulted exactly the way it should. The only person getting in the way of my plans was me. I had expectations, vision, and experience that was somewhat misaligned with what actually happened. The best moment for me was knowing that the students were grateful for the morning and found it powerful and memorable.

I listened to a podcast this morning with Dr. Gabor Maté on Arm Chair Expert promoting his new book. I am so enamoured by Gabor and his work aligning the body, mind, and spirit. He spoke about trauma and how our actions are guided by past experiences and of ones that are intergenerational. Part of his book was the “4 As” and one of them being ACCEPTANCE. I get that. This was my lesson.

September 24, 2023 – Slowing Down is OK

Deep breath. The first three-weeks of start-up and back to school was rigorous to say the least. My body, mind, and spirit were so tired and demanded sleep and rest. I am starting to feel more like myself and I am grateful to this weekend to get back to life and myself. My first good night’s sleep was on Thursday night. I could not keep my eyes open and I went to bed early. Doing that was very unusual for me.

I was exhausted. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I had thought I could teach 5 courses, supervise one master’s student, and be on committee for two other students on top of contributing to my research program and service work I am committed to. Two of my courses are not typical. One is practicum supervision and the other is portfolio, so there is some flex in my schedule that starts this week.

My classes started well and I just hope I can maintain the quality of teaching but also delve back into my writing and get a few papers out for publication. The last three weeks have been a reality check and I can only do what I can do. There is no failure. I am doing the best that I can. And some days, 80% is ok. If that’s what I have, that’s what I can give. There is no harm in that and it’s still pretty good.

REALISTIC GOALS.

Finding balance in teaching, regardless if it’s in K-12 or in higher education, is something that I have wrestled with as an educator for the last 3 decades. Now, I am at an age when I can do “all-nighters” anymore or not eat throughout the day. My body is unable to handle that kind of stress anymore on top of the stress of the job and perceived stress that may or may not be really there. I need to slow down.

A long story made short, I’ve been focused on my health for the last few months. I went to the doctor this weekend and went for more bloodwork, made referrals, and renewed some prescriptions. My body is talking to me. The car accident I had during the summer helped me to gain perspective about life, work, wellness, and self-care. Now, I see the consequences of not taking care of myself over time.

I am thankful that I am going to the doctor and there are some actions I can take to make my health better. For example, I just completed a mini-kettlebell workout in my apartment this afternoon (thank goodness for YouTube), I’m saying no to the conference in Hawaii (no conference hotel rooms available and costs are too high), and I have mapped out an eating plan that will minimize some of my symptoms.

HOPE.

That’s what I am grateful for. There is still something I can do and it’s not terminal. Part of valuing myself is not just in the mind and spirit, but also the body. My body is yelling at me and finally… I am listening. I am resting this weekend without guilt. I have met minimum expectations because that’s what my mind was ready to do. I also cleaned my apartment this weekend, did laundry, and cooked. It feels good.

Now, I feel rested and ready to get back to work… in a good way. Rest is a form of kindness and compassion for self. I can take a deep breath. Even though I have a tonne of work piling up in front of me, I can only do what I can do and I will do the best that I can. I am confident I am doing my job and I am doing it well. What I need to do well is taking care of myself, listen to my intuition and body, and respond.

I feel good today. A full weekend of Hallmark movies, taking time to rest and sleep, spending time with friends and family, and blogging… makes me happy. I am also supporting teacher candidates and graduates students too, but I’m also part of the formula. Returning to Parker Palmer’s Heart of a Teacher with my classes reminds me that I am part of the equation of “good teaching.” Self-knowledge is good. 🙂