December 15, 2023 – Celebrate the End

I am not sure how I survived that term. I taught 5-courses, taught one course as a sessional instructor, and supervised one graduate student for their capstone portfolio. I did not have my car and I’m still on the healing journey while many things have unraveled before, during, and near the end of term. Whew!!

What I am learning is, (1) it’s not personal; (2) everyone is trying their best; and (3) you can’t control what other people do or think.

In response to this learning, (1) trust myself; (2) trust myself; and (3) trust myself. The goal is not to have everyone like you, nor is it to be rewarded or acknowledged for good work. It’s more about sticking to my values, my integrity, and my identity. It’s about being seen but for people to really see me, to do that I have to know me. This blog post is getting deeper than I intended, but what I am understanding is, Parker Palmer’s knowing the subject matter, knowing the students, and knowing myself. This self-knowledge is key to my success and I’m learning more and more.

Last term got unusually controversial and I was determined to know who I am and stand in my values. I did moderately OK and was super stressed. Thank goodness for other people how can provide perspective and help me through that process to realize that I did not do anything wrong (that said, it could have been better) but I can’t please everyone. I appreciated listening to a reel by Dr. Gabor Maté who emphasized for women because that’s what’s expected in a patriarchal society. He said that women are forced to put their authentic selves aside to put others first. The reel resonated with me in ways that I did not expect. He was telling my story.

This term was about learning about living as my authentic self. As mentioned, I had an excellent term. My practicum crew, teacher candidates and coaching teachers, were fantastic. I could not have asked for more of a successful final practicum term despite the fact this would be my last practicum within the program. I feel grateful. The 2 undergraduate courses with the new teacher candidates were also amazing. I’ve really enjoyed this crew and it was the two cohorts combined together in one class, for both courses. Finally, the 2 graduate courses were challenging, but in a good way. In all 4 classes, I intentionally included Indigenous Education and our roles as incoming teachers to the profession and educational leaders in schools.

I had my best teaching term. Sometimes delving into a teaching situation where I am not the expert in the subject matter, I was still able to hone my expertise as a facilitator and lead learner. If anything, I wanted to personalize the learning experience for those in my classes and support the teacher candidates in practicum to find their agency and learn more about their teaching identity and teacher efficacy. I also took on, at the last minute, one graduate student who advocated to have me as their supervisor for their capstone course in portfolio. Again, I took great lengths to personalize their learning experience and make accommodations when needed to ensure success and closure to the program.

This term I felt like I was in “the flow” much like I was when I was teaching math in high schools near the end of my term in public schools. It felt incredible, but mostly I felt more like myself. I was happy and I was focused on “doing what’s right, rather than doing things right” (even though, I felt like I did things right). Is there room for improvement? Of course there is!! I teach not by doing the same things every year, but I always try new ideas and make tweaks here and there to make things better. Sometimes it’s not better and that’s the learning (in teaching). And, I’m ok with that… I mean “the learning.” It’s not going to be perfect. That’s why feedback is always helpful, even though it might be judgement or pre-judgement. It’s ok.

If we can give ourselves the grace and compassion to make mistakes as educators, think about what we are modelling for students? Let’s keep learning in teaching.