Week 8 – July 8, 2023 – All Making Sense

Double 8. Must be a lucky day. Look at these two. What a wonderful surprise to see them yesterday at the bookstore. They are a couple of former students who took a couple of my classes last year. I adored having these two in my classes. They made the learning experience more rich despite the fact the classes were online. I also learned that they recently wrote their comprehensive exam and they have completed their MEd degrees. Incredible news. I loved seeing these two in person.

I then met up with another former student. We developed a relationship from the BEd program and we stayed in touch. I enjoy talking with them and I appreciate the personal work they are engaged in. I can relate to that person’s journey and we have some intersections that make sense-making viable and productive. During our conversation, I was sharing a metaphor of how I perceived part of my life and about letting go. It was the first time I said (out loud), “I was afraid to walk alone.”

Saying that out loud was such an aha that I did not acknowledge. Then I said, when you do embark whatever it is alone, you realize that others are walking beside you. Now, looking back, I see that. I was reminded of the importance of teaching for me and the reciprocity that’s created in those relationships. Now, I am reading a book on Participatory Action Research (that I have procrastinated) that is pulling on my heartstrings. I can see why I was avoiding this book. The contents are my passion.

I am brought to a conversation I had with one of my mentors last week. Do what you are passionate about. That’s what’s going to sustain my work. I can see that. I appreciate the collaborations I have right now with research and I am incredibly grateful to those who will share truth with me and who can see my potential and work. I think that’s what matters and what I need to do is to keep doing what I am doing and keep learning to get better at what I am doing. I think I can do this!!!

Is “research efficacy” a thing? I have no idea, but I am mustering the inner strength to do so. I cannot believe how much inside work I had to ensure (and will likely continue to do this inner work) to get to where I am today. The unpacking continues and in the end, the belief and confidence are in myself, and belonging is with myself. This inner understanding is being “selfish” in the negative connotation but it’s more about self compassion and “standing tall” in the work that I do.

It’s all starting to make sense. Finally. It feels great. Admittedly, I had 2-days of blah, but sometimes I think that you have to take a pause to clear the mind, reflect, and wonder. For me, the quiet time helps me to realize what I do enjoy and love. I’ve been so focused on REST, I am ready to jump in with two-feet. These themes keep iterating with me, but I think this is the first time I really feel it versus just wanting or dreaming about it. This moment is a moment of clarity. Feels great!!