August 5, 2023 – Visiting Vancouver

I had an amazing 5-days in the Lower Mainland. Visiting with my family and friends fills my cup. First, I was focused on eating Asian food (particularly Chinese). I called up a few friends and met them in-person in different places in the Lower Mainland (i.e., New Westminster, Burnaby, and Horseshoe Bay). Then, saw my dad, aunties, and siblings. And, I stayed at my twin bro’s place. Moreover, I did some work too.

On August 31st, I submitted a proposal to a conference with a co-researcher. I never thought I would do that, but we did. And, I’m open to feedback. It has a 43-47% acceptance rate, so I’m open to the outcome. On August 4th and 5th, I sent two other conference proposals for January 2024. It feels amazing to focus on my work. And, on August 4th, I learned that a proposal was accepted for October.

I am learning lots and my friends and family have plenty to say. At the core of everything is BE HAPPY. They want me to be happy. They were very provocative, compassionate, and incredibly supportive in their own ways. I am so appreciative of them all. I am so grateful and blessed to have folks who can walk through this change with me. Admittedly, I’m scared and I’m learning more about myself.

Although I ate plenty of dumplings during my time in the Lower Mainland, I am learning how to move through this world for myself. I am learning how to redirect my attention to hone my craft, not compare my work with others, and make decisions that benefit my growth and development. This BIG AHA may sound obvious, but it wasn’t for me. I’m left wondering about unconscious bias.

When something comes to your attention and your biggest fears are realized, you need to pay attention. One of those situations for me was my health. I’ve spent a tonne of time on my mental and emotional wellness and recovery, but my body was being taxed with my stress, trauma, and anxiety. My health scare is somewhat minor, meaning I can manage it. But I will tell you, it has been a wake up call.

You have to live for yourself and live in the moment. I thought I was doing this, but apparently I wasn’t. One lesson after the other over the past year have led me to this place where I am today. I am just about to send an ethics application on a self-study. I’m brought to this decision with all that is emerging in my personal and professional life. Actually, they are one. Parker Palmer: “You teach who you are.”

I went to the Barbie for a second time because the first time I was experiencing a lot of physical pain that I could not pay attention to the nuances of the movie. I giggled throughout but also feel that it was also serendipitous to my existential reflections and understanding that I need to re-direct my life… for me. I have a new vision and I deserve to be happy. I am. I am focused on what makes me happy. 🙂

Thank you to my friends and family. I could not do this work without you!!!