January 19, 2023 – I am wondering if SCAN is my first step in the Spirals of Inquiry for my self-study and inquiry. I think it’s almost a combination of a HUNCH and scan as I attempt to narrow my inquiry with FOCUS. I’m going to use this blog post to flesh out some of my ideas so far and where I am heading in my inquiry with both EDUC 405 and EDUC 633, two courses I’m teaching this term.

In a previous blog post, I declared my inquiry question: What does it mean to be human as an educator? At first glance, this question seems counterintuitive. Why wouldn’t you be “human” in a human-oriented organization or system (i.e., schools, higher education, research, etc.)? I have a huge interest in human behaviour, but for many years in my practice I felt detached from the human experience.

Let me unpack this feeling of detachment, schools, and teaching/learning. As a child, I had always felt that school was utilitarian. It was not my most favourite places to go (unlike my older sister) and I had a twin brother who as naturally brilliant (i.e., usually top 5 students in our grade and grad class), I always felt “in the shadow” to my siblings and I was an average or above average student.

I was not one to win academic awards, nor to I expect them or even try. I was always in search for something that resonated with me and my strengths. I had no idea what I was good at, but I know that I really disliked reading, reading aloud, and reading in general. As you are reading, READING was not my jam and school and achievement is highly dependent on reading for academic performance.

I wonder about the role of culture and my feelings towards school. I am a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman. My parents (and older sister) immigrated to Canada in the last 1960’s and eventually landed in Prince Rupert, BC where my brother and I were born and raised. I understood the importance of school and perceived high stakes for post-secondary education, career, and livelihood.

Now looking back, I can see the influence my parents had being immigrants to Canada and looking for a better life, the era of being assimilated, and the perceived pressure of doing as well as my siblings in schools. It as important to succeed and I looked up to my siblings, so much so that I learned early to look outside for approval and validation versus looking inside for self-belonging.

Admittedly, I did not expect this blog post to take the direction it did and it appears that I am still in the SCAN with respect to wondering about my inquiry question and looking at the reasons why “becoming more human” as an educator is important for me, why it is so scary for me to consider and implement, and why this humanness is important to students, the learning experiences, and myself.

The irony does not escape me. I hate reading and I’m an academic. Let me be vulnerable and META shall we say by being “human” in my approach with my inquiry. Part of being human is being vulnerable. To compliment vulnerability is compassion, kindness, and self-respect. I have nothing to hide and I’m curious about how Human Development can inform part of my inquiry and self-study.