Week 6 – June 24, 2023 – Reassessing Goals
Oh boy… this week as a doozy, but I think I’ve landed on my feet (for now). Nothing spectacular, but it was the moment when I what I have known intuitively and then cognitively reached my heart. It’s like hitting the bottom. I had a few tears. It’s ok. People were telling me the truth over time and others are lending a helping hand. To those people, thank you. I know that you are looking for me and have my best interest at heart. I am so grateful to you all. I don’t know why it has taken me this long to realize the truth. I guess I wanted something so bad that’s not meant to be.
Anyway, what I’ve also learned is, when you hit the bottom, all you have is to go up. I don’t want to seem like a softy or weak. I guess my “bubble way of being” can be too idealistic and dreamy. People tap on my bubble and at one time I let too many people into my bubble. At one time, I gave up my bubble to make into something else that wasn’t me. I lost myself. I had to make decisions that were disruptive and traumatizing in many ways to save myself. I’ve spent the last few years rebuilding my bubble and it’s often put to the test. Last week was a moment and affirming.
Now, I’m bouncing back and understanding my few freedom and autonomy. I can make choices and I don’t have to be chasing what other people are chasing. What I need to focus on (again) is what’s important to me. This might be the second or third iteration of my #pedagogicaljourney. I spent my entire #pandemicreflections (most found on my other website/blog) on figuring out what’s important to me. This time, I’m looking at bit closer. I need to listen to myself and do what’s right. i am asking for help. I am grateful for the generosity of others and their guidance.
The week ended with the department retreat and we spent the day on the land. The day unfolded exactly as it should and I had moments to reflect on and loved lots of what the elders, educators, and teacher candidates had to share. I should not forget the land. In moments of uncertainty and despair, I always to to the water for some solace. I did this as kid in Prince Rupert, as a young adult on the Sunshine Coast, and now where I am… in Prince George. Today, I go to the river. The water speaks to me in ways that is soothing, calming, and soul-nourishing.
The day ended at the park with a guest speaker who spoke about her sister, health-care, and CONSCIOUS DISRUPTION. The story involved the idea of taking a situation or belief, hold it, and disrupt it. In doing so, you had lift the learner. Oh my gosh. The story spoke to my spirit. It was something that I was hoping to hear at the retreat as an educator, but it was also a message for me and my soul. I needed to hear this message and experience this day the way it was. I return back to understanding my value, stand in my values, and continue to work in my values.
The week started with tears, but ended with solace, sunshine, and a smile. 🙂
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