April 5, 2026 – Sick Again

I did not realize that my voice is integral to my occupation until I lost my voice this week and I had to teach my Thursday online night class without my voice. I managed to teach the class using the chat function, an established instructional routine, and YouTube videos on leadership. The course is about school based teams and I took a leadership approach to the course (i.e., how to run an effective, goal-oriented, collaborative team meeting). I was not sure how the course would go, but I feel that we have the right mix of students and expertise to make the most of the course content as it relates to our current positions in K-12 school. I think the highlight of my class last week was: “I did not realize how important leadership is.” BINGO. Love that!!! Leadership is everything. I am not referring to the organizational leadership per se, even though they are very important, but we are all leaders in some way in the work that we do. To end my class that way was amazing, and I am grateful for this class for adapting.

The term is almost ending… I am sick (again), and I have lost my voice. I think I caught “whatever” on the weekend and it hit full manifestation on Tuesday night mid-class. It was horrible. I managed to get myself home, and I was grateful that most of my work could be done at home on Wednesday and Thursday, with a long weekend on the horizon. After that night class, I was very intentional not to work that evening, or on Good Friday, and on “be a person day” (i.e., Saturday). Now that it’s Sunday, I had hoped THE SICK would have ceased and my voice would be back. NOPE. I am sadly mistaken. Whoa. I am left reflecting. I take my voice for granted… my health for granted… and my living situation for granted. Although I have managed to get through my class last week without talking, but what about my upcoming class on Tuesday? Thank goodness I’m not teaching on Monday. That would have been a full day needing to talk… and I can’t.

Maybe losing my voice is a metaphor. What if something is no longer… can you still survive? Can you still do what you want to do? Are you able to adapt? I am coming to terms with the idea that talking is critical to teaching. I lost my voice on Wednesday night and now it’s Sunday. I am so grateful to teach my online class safely from home and without having my voice. The students were brilliant. I am really hoping that my voice comes back for Tuesday. It will be my last class with this group and also on Thursday with my night class. Worst case, I will adapt. Best case, I will adapt. But, I think it’s more than that. What if I “lose my voice” in the metaphorical sense. I would hate that. I am so grateful that I’ve said that because it’s a lesson my mom was trying to teach me, even on her last day.

Much like the image of my cat above… one the one hand, I’m hiding from the world and looking out the window because I’m sick. I am isolated from the world. On the other hand, I am hiding from the world and looking out the window because I am scared, unsure, and not confident. Wow. That sounds weird, but it’s true with respect to my voice as a writer and researcher. I know that I blog as a means to reflect on my practice and practice writing (as thinking), but I am really holding myself back. I chose and watched a video with my night class about effective teams and in one video, it spoke about one person who did not trust others (or themselves, I would guess). They were the limiting factor to the team. People did not feel safe in their company, thus the TEAM was a group.

I am left thinking about TRUST, freedom, and voice. It’s trust in oneself. Despite all of what life provided to get to a point where trusting oneself is not safe, then no one can be perceived as safe. Asking for help would be almost impossible. Accepting feedback would be dangerous. Making yourself vulnerable would be unfathomable. How does one liberate themselves from this self-oppression? I am brought to Brene Brown’s work and the 10 thousand pound shield. Yes, the shield protects, but it also hides. You cannot numb the hurt and be open to joy. Trust is key. Trust in oneself. Set backs or mistakes are opportunities to learn. Losing my voice is an incredible metaphor for learning. Adapt. Make things happen. Persevere. Learn. Be humble. Trust. Love. Be vulnerable. I can do this.