July 21, 2024 – Costco Soup Dumplings

Of course it’s an image of Costco soup dumplings and a Diet Coke to complement this weekly blog post. Gosh. This image depicts one of my most favourite meals in Prince George. I spent a lot of my time over the last few years finding products in Prince George that remind me of my mom, my culture, and the food we used to eat. Some of the food comes from one restaurant that has a small Cantonese menu that is not widely advertised and best to be eaten at the restaurant. I buy frozen dumplings from a local store downtown, the Superstore, and Costco. And, I try to make some food that my mom use to make. There is not a lot that I have found, but I am grateful for what I have found. Having this food brings me a lot of COMFORT.

A long story made short, I have spent much of my time as of late trying to achieve the feeling of comfort. Much like enduring the hot weather here in Prince George. It was 36 degrees today, the hottest day in this week’s hot weather spell. I don’t have air conditioning in my apartment, but my apartment is north-facing. I’m grateful that I get the evening sun and I have surrounded myself with two fans with hopes of staying cool, or at least, comfortable. I cannot believe that the Okanagan is almost 10 degrees hotter. I was just there a couple of weeks ago. I loved the lake-life experience, but the heat was something to endure. Thank goodness for the lake to cool down with and I was grateful for the company too.

Last week, I returned to work to provide informal office hours for one of my courses that is currently running asynchronously. It was great to see the teacher candidates on campus again and working in the air conditioned work environment was good too. I’ve had some long conversations with some and I had the time to delve into some of my writing. The time just flew by and coming home at night in the heat resulted in very little productivity due to heat/fan management. LOL. You don’t know until you know. Now, I know. Keep work at work (in the AC). My week ended with one conversation that left me thinking. I caught myself… and found myself take a pause the next day. I am back on my PEDAGOGICAL JOURNEY.

I thought I was on my #pedagogicaljourney when I was worked on my dissertation. Originally, I thought that completing my doctorate degree was the destination. I imagined that my life would change or at least be different as “Dr. Christine Ho.” Well, it has changed, but not the way that I had imagined. Moreover, I let go of my vision because I believed the vision was achieved during my doctoral program. Wrong again. What I realized from my conversation last week is, I create my path. I create my dreams. I create my destiny. Sounds extreme, I know, but last week I found myself falling back into a familiar mindset (that’s not beneficial to me). It’s like having the rubber band on my wrist. SNAP. Do different to be different. 🙂

I was listening to a podcast and it was about was habitation and dishabitation. Although the podcast was about bringing excitement to your life, I was thinking more about how to make change in my life/career. There is no different between my personal and professional life. I am the same person. So, if I want things to be different, I have to do differently. That makes sense to me. Catching myself (or at least my mindset) was something I noticed and want to change. The advice given to me was more a matter of fact and of information I already knew, but I just was not doing it. I spent a good chunk of my time seeking COMFORT = SAFETY. I think that I’ve found it and feel good about who I am to find the courage to take risks.

What is that risk? Writing, researching, and publishing. Putting myself out there and believing that what I have to write is worthwhile. This idea is a tough one for me because you have to believe this is true. I am horrible at “fake it until you make it” and overcoming “imposter syndrome” even though others have expressed their confidence in me and interest in my work. It’s different from blogging but I did use my blog to practice writing, to build the courage to put my ideas “out there.” In the end, I have to believe in myself and believe in my work. I internalized the negative feedback and did not embrace the kind words or encouragement. I guess I could not receive them until I was ready. I AM READY. My #pedagogicaljourney never ended. Much like my dissertation, each ending only indicates a new beginning.

“We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

Brené Brown