August 21, 2024 – Accepting Myself

Yes, it’s another mid-week, weekly blog post. Look at the date!! It’s almost the end of August and the start of a new term, cohort of students, and school year. I’ve spent a lot of time investigating and examining what’s important to me. It’s so interesting to think about my teaching practice because if reflects who I am. Lots of my teaching sits on the foundation of Parker Palmer’s work and the Heart of a Teacher: Identity and Integrity in Teaching (1997). He says that what makes good teaching is (1) knowledge of the subject matter, (2) knowledge of the students, and (3) knowledge of yourself (or self-knowledge). The third factor, I believe, is missing in most practices and I spend a lot of time here with teacher candidates.

Admittedly, I am fascinated by out-of-field teaching. Many of us are asked to teach a subject area that we are not “experts” in and many of us who do, don’t really want to talk about it. It could be because we are trying to instil some confidence into the students that we know what we are talking about, we are struggling with imposter syndrome and we are attempting to “be the teacher,” or we take the opportunity for purposes of getting our foot into the door or job security. These are only hypotheses, but out-of-field teaching as researched deeply by Richard Ingersoll is a topic that needs to be discussed further, particularly when we are in a “teacher shortage” in BC. On the one hand, due to the teacher shortage, early career teachers may find positions within their expertise. On the other hand, we are also hiring uncertified teachers or positioning teachers in places to fill the gap.

As for knowing the students, that will vary. I will only know the students to a certain capacity as a course instructor but also when working with adults, there needs to be a clear boundary between the student and teacher. I don’t want to infer that I want to endorse or enforce power structures, but there can be a point when there would be a conflict of interest. Knowing your students is a fine balance and depending on context, I may not be equipped to know some information about the student or be privied to know everything. Well, you’re never going to know everything. One thing is true, you will never know someone else’s story. We can gather information and infer, but what we need to know is about their learning. Relationships and “seeing students” are key to any teacher in the profession.

The self-knowledge has been an area I have been delving into. Blogging has played a role as it allows me to reflect and think while I write. But, I’ve been through many “life’s opportunities” that forces me examine and re-examine who I am and what’s important to me. As much as I thought I was doing this examination of self during the pandemic, I am now fully aware that I was just scratching the surface. The more that I understand myself, the more confident I can be with showing my values and now feel judged or insecure with what I am designing, teaching, or assessing. I have also learned to let go of other people’s opinions, but just take it as formative feedback. My job is to take or leave that feedback, and if I take it, what will I do with that information. That’s it. Nothing is personal, but rather formative.

I can’t lose myself in what other people might think or do. What I can do is notice. That’s it. I can wonder, reflect, listen, observe, and then decide what’s best to do. Sometimes it’s about going with your heart, like this lovely bowl of ramen in the photo above. On the weekend, I just wanted to have this comforting meal (for only $15 before tip). It was lunch for one on Sunday and I loved every minute of it. Sometimes it’s about making decisions that are best for you. Also on Sunday, I decided that I would not be curling next season due to an injury. I love curling with my team that was formed 3-years ago, but I cannot let fear dictate my decisions. We had a tonne of fun together and I love the sport. For now, it’s not the best thing for me and I’m thinking I need to focus on walking and yoga to improve my health.

What I am understanding is, like knowing your subject matter and students, self-knowledge is not static. It takes time and effort to stay updated and things change.