April 19, 2026 – Be Happy with Me
I could not do it. As much as I want to change my name, I find myself caught into the “should” mindset versus “want” mindset. I get why folks in my family would like me to change my name, but that drive is more about them than me. I did make a decision half-heartedly to go with “Ho Younghusband” when I started working in Prince George to honour both my pre-married and married self. Now, I’m post-married. I was separated in August 2019 and divorced in January 2023. The image was me travelling in Italy with my friends in May 2023. The journey since 2019 has been transformative and turbulent to say the least. Moreover, I moved to Prince George in August 2018 to take a position at the university, but my family stayed on the Sunshine Coast. And, my mom passed away in 2018.
As I look back, this transformation has been happening for quite some time. I could say that turning 40 was a turbulent time, and it was. I quit my job then and pursued my doctoral studies while serving at a two-term school trustee. I learned a tonne from that experience, but if anything, it was transitional. I remember going to an event that was incredibly disruptive after getting a massage from an RMT. The body never lies, and I just wasn’t happy at that time. I don’t remember how old I was. I must have had my kid, and I returned to work. Although I believe that I was myself, I was totally numb at the same time too. I was struggling and a long story made short, I needed to do everything that I needed to do to get where I am today. I am happy, independent, and FREE.
This freedom is incredible and I never thought that I could do what I have achieved so far. I feel more like myself with each day, and I’m learning what it means to take hold of my agency and understand my voice. I’m still learning that, but I could not do this work without the help of others. I love my job, I love the work that I get to do (re: teaching, research, and service), and I love where I live. I got to live with my kid for the last 5-years, and we have created a good life here in Prince George. We took this time to be safe, but also become the people who we have become (and becoming). I am so proud of my kid for completing her degree, but also the amount of service she has engaged in and research. AMAZING. Again, my kid exceeded my capacity and capability 10-fold, much like swimming, and I want that for her. She has a right to succeed and be happy.
This image reminds me of my freedom and happiness. I am very grateful for my current circumstance, and knowing my name is a part of it. When the “Ho” part of my name was removed from my last name at the university (due to a system update, I guess), and I was annoyed that “someone” (don’t know who) could just change my name. I don’t need a hyphen. And, I also realized from the counter example that “Ho” is not my last name either. I just need to have my VOICE enacted and insist on “Ho Younghusband” as my last name. I did that almost 8 years ago prior to the divorce and separation, but it’s really my name, despite how annoying the name might be to me and to others. And, I am OK with that.
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