February 19, 2024 – Missed Family Day

Happy Family Day!! That said, I did not expect to be lying alone in a hotel room feeling sick and missing out on a mini-family reunion on my dad’s side where 3-generations of relatives have gathered in Vancouver, BC. They travelled from around the world (i.e., Hong Kong, New Zealand, and the United States). There is a small group of us already living in the Lower Mainland and British Columbia. Admittedly, I’m totally bummed and missed 2.5 of 3 days of family, food, and fun.

This family day weekend would have been an excellent opportunity to reconnect with my aunties, uncles, cousins, and folks in the third generation. It’s been awhile since we had a family reunion and the first generation is not getting any younger. There was a part of me that should have known that things were not going to work out for me when my kid and I figured out on Thursday that I booked us on two different days and not the same flight. She left on Friday and I left on Saturday.

On Saturday, my flight was delayed due to fog. Then, when I arrived to Vancouver, a colleague informed me that they were experiencing symptoms. I was in serious denial of this news until I experienced symptoms on Sunday. I did go to one mini-event on Saturday night. The space was large and I wore a mask. I am crossing my fingers that everyone is ok, but I guess that is TBD. Seems like it’s been going well so far, but I excused myself from the rest of the family festivities and stayed in bed.

However, during my short visit with some of family members visiting Vancouver, I spoke candidly with one of my aunties. There were a box of photos for us to peruse and there was one family photo of my aunties. The aunty I spoke to was dressed “like a boy” in the photo. She had fond memories of that black and white photo, and could remember the colour of the pants and stripes on the sweater. Her hair was cut short and she told me that she wore that outfit for special occasions.

What I learned that night was a little family history… her parents wanted a boy when she was born and there there 2 boys born before her, but they passed away. She spoke about favourites and one child (the middle child) deemed unlucky. Gah. All of that would have traumatized me. Actually, we all have our histories. When speaking with my aunty, I eluded to her that I had hangups in my own family. She caught onto my comment and we ended up talking about it further a little later.

She described her family photo and just a few moments earlier I was looking at the photo included above with my kid. I showed this image to my dad and he instantly recognized my brother. Please note, my brother is my twin. I have an older sister too. Then my dad indicates that he did not recognize the other kid. The other kid was ME. My kid witnessed this incident. I was not sure if I should feel embarrassed or ashamed. I pointed out to him that is was me. That is my history with my dad.

When I shared this with my aunty, she said that she had always known. Her another aunty saw it ever since I was little. She told me that she had brought this to my dad’s attention when she visited Prince Rupert. I must have been really young, like this photo above. Apparently, he got mad and did not talk to her for a day. She said she felt sorry for me. She saw it. She saw me. Of course I cried when she told me. It’s not me… it’s not in my head… it’s a thing. I needed to hear this.

I reassured her that my mom mediated (as best she could) my relationship with my dad. I can see how this relationship with my mom and my dad has shaped who I am and who I do and don’t want to be. I’ve been working a lot on myself over the last 5-years but the unravelling goes beyond the present. I thanked my aunty. She was the tipping point. I’ve always wanted to write about my mom, but delving more deeply into my ethnic identity, assimilation, and now I see… my family history.