February 25, 2024 – Finding Myself Again

It’s the day before practicum… the first teaching practicum at the university, and I am just getting my footing back again. This semester, I made some decisions that did not “pay off” as I had thought or expected. In fact, I learned a totally different lesson. I learned that I do not prioritize myself or my work. What a horrible lesson to learn, but as my mom would say, I always learn it the hard way… experientially.

I prioritized other work and put my work aside. Parked it, really… thinking that I would get back to my work once this other work is done. Sadly, that moment never returns because I would run out of time. What’s the point of that? Moreover, I have also parked other things and now I have a tonne of work to catch up on and I feel that I am underperforming and not doing the “real work” that I get paid for.

Deep breath. It’s only taken me 2-years after talking to a mentor to realize what it means to be “selfish.” It’s like the air mask on a plane or running into a fire to save someone, my safety and welfare are the first things to consider. Wow. That took some time to understand. I am correlating this understanding to what it means to be in the FLOW and using a curling shot as a metaphor and concrete example.

I almost burned out a few weeks ago and I have been on the “road to recovery” since. I have been re-navigating my focus towards my work, resting, and getting some of my work done. My mindset is one step at a time… meaning, one paper at a time. What I am exercising is patience, kindness, and compassion. Part of filling my cup was re-connecting with a couple of friends this weekend. We had ramen.

Time spent with my friends, especially after a week of illness and self-isolation, was exactly what I needed to feel whole again. Connecting with each of my friends entailed rich conversations that were thought provoking, wholehearted, and life transforming. I feel so grateful to have friends who listen, give honest opinions, and lift each other up. To top it off, we connect over noodles and dumplings. 🙂

Do what you love. Work hard, of course, but make sure you are aligned to who you are. To do this, you have to know who you are. Self-knowledge is opening doors for me. It’s not an easy path and I am learning things the hard way, but I am learning. My heart is full and I feel more like myself. I love being with my friends. I love good food. And, I love doing things that are right for me (and for others). Be Happy!!